kenny's life

2011-12-19T20:28:00.000-08:00

i really miss you
but i can feel you don't even miss me
i just wanna to hug you
u said we think differently
what you want and what i want is different
should i just let it go?
i really miss you
the harder i try, the distance we become
i really just wanna see you
but maybe it is time for us to say goodbye
i really don't want but i just feel that we are not meant to be together anymore
sorry for everything
i shouldn't
it really hurts me
my heart really feels pain
pain till at one point i don't feel anything else
my body just gone numb

2011-12-16T09:11:00.001-08:00

thanks
goodbye
take care
all the best
don't worry

2011-12-13T08:34:00.000-08:00

i am nothing but a burden

i don't want be a burden to you anymore

i don't want to hold you just because of my study

if you wanna break

just break

i am ok

i don't want to think about it anymore

i know i love you a lot

and i know i care bout you a lot

and i know this is killing you

if you wanna break but you're afraid to harm me

tell me after this saturday

don't worry

i will be fine

2011-12-05T02:51:00.000-08:00

i am afraid i can't stop myself being thinking

thinking of letting go this relationship

i want you to love me, to care me, to be with me

but all i get is waiting

everyday

i am hoping to have a surprise from you

everyday

i wish you can give me a little bit of time to spend with me

i know you are busy

but i really want to see you

yea i remember, you had once said, you prefer to be with friends

haih

i just miss you

i really thinking of letting go this relationship

someone advised me before,

i should cut it and get the pain now rather than drag the whole things into a mess

haih

T^T

2011-11-27T23:17:00.000-08:00

do you know why i think negative

lately, you acted strangely
you don't let me know anything bout you
you don't let me touch your iphone
you don't let me see your facebook
no longer have the luxury of hugging you
and you really don't mind not seeing me anymore

am i really that sticky?
if you feel i am not good
you can just let me know
we can break

i ask you yesterday that question
and you said because i kept think negatively
i push you away

i guess everything is because of me
i guess i am not a good lover

i try my best to love you
to be with you
but i think
what i do is a mistake

i did ask myself
when i court you at that time
is it my fault?
is it my fault to fall in love with you

i really want someone to love me
to be with me

i guess is me
the problem is with me

everyone doesn't like me
is ok
even my own family doesn't love me
is ok
i told myself i don't mind
as long i still have you
but i guess i giving you too much pressure

i told myself is ok that if we break up
but i guess i am not ok at all

i scare my you leave me just like
i know you told me to let go the past
but it is not easy
for me
to see someone leaves because of another person
it hurts

but i rather you tell me you got someone else than cheating me behind
this is what i feel

2011-11-27T09:57:00.000-08:00

i afraid of myself
i don't know what am i trying to do
i keep on thinking negatively
i know i push you away
i don't blame you
i just blame myself

i cried
i cried for an hour
i keep on thinking of the memories we has
i just too miss you
i scare you will leave me

i made up my mind
i decide to do something bout it
for you and me
hopefully i won't regret it

2011-11-25T10:33:00.000-08:00

this movie makes me think back my secondary school life

a lot things that happened in that time

happy moments

crazy moments

sad moments

i treasure all those moments

in this movie

it portrays 遗憾

i don't want my life to have regret

i want to love all people around me

in this movie

the actress did said something like this:

love is the best when we are still not together but we are in love with each other, once, we are coupled, we no longer feel the same enthusiasm to be with each other.

2011-11-19T00:31:00.000-08:00

if possible
i want to write again our story in a different way
but i guess
we can't really change what we had done
i guess human really live with regrets
i know this would be one of my greatest regret
but i still need to do so

2011-11-19T00:28:00.000-08:00

been thinking lately

what i should do and shouldn't do

what i think is good for me and what is not

i know it is not easy

i know i need a lot of courage to do so

but everything can be sort out eventually

i just got to make the first step

2011-11-13T09:31:00.000-08:00

from friend to lover to enemy
from shy to happy to sad and suffer
the breakup part is the most painful
but once the sadness is gone
we will be better
how long for us to take to heal?
that's depend on how much do you love him/her

don't hate him/her for leaving you

treasure him/her

just because he/she leaves you

doesn't mean all the memories you had with him/her are fake

good or bad

he/she is part of your life

treasure the memories you had with him/her

maybe from there

you can find a closure for yourself

and in the future

you can love someone better and treasure that person.

2011-11-09T08:19:00.001-08:00

it is funny to see certain people get intimidate by me
they try to boycott me
laugh die me
i just wanna say
do whatever it makes u happy
i am ok with it
i don't mind any more
because i am sure someone will stand on my side

2011-10-30T23:44:00.001-07:00

kenny you can do it

don't think negative

be happy

and everything will be fine

2011-10-23T07:39:00.000-07:00

never meet before such a complainer
seriously she is a bitch
before you know how to complain about others
try to reflect on yourself
maybe you will see yourself have more things to complain about
seriously you are bitch

2011-10-21T10:19:00.001-07:00

if i die
who knows
who cares
if i don't even appear
you all might find it better
you all would be much happier without me bugging into your life

2011-10-12T06:52:00.001-07:00

hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself

2011-10-11T20:21:00.001-07:00

seeing the pictures we had
it makes me wanna cry
i miss the old days we had
i am so stupid
why i destroy it

2011-10-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

我真的爱你
想你
不想放弃
T……T

2011-10-10T00:09:00.000-07:00

if i did not say
if i did not request
maybe we be together forever
why i must open my mouth
why i can't beat the feeling of missing you
why i can't wait till next time to see you
why i just can't trust you
i really love you
but why i always do things that hurt you
if i good enough
we can be together forever
but why
why do i always do the same mistake
why i don't learn from the first time
why
i hate myself
i miss you
i miss the memories we had
i can't really let go
i don't want to lose it

2011-10-09T10:20:00.000-07:00

i don't want to break
i miss you
i read what you wrote in msn profile message
it hurts that i done so many bad things
i cry
i want to stop cry but it hurts a lot
i hate myself

2011-10-09T08:55:00.000-07:00

never know it can be such as pain

hurt my finger

but the pain wasn't pain at all compares to the pain in my heart

but i don't blame you

coz it is me

i know you told me that is not my fault or your fault

it just the matter of our attitude

but i want to blame myself

i really hate myself

i hate myself

i don't wish to see myself

the last time you will call me that name again

can't listen it anymore

but i won't blame you

coz is me

i hate the way i think

the way i react

the way i want

myself

i hate every thing about me

i just hate

i miss you

2011-10-09T08:49:00.001-07:00

2011-10-09T08:34:00.000-07:00

i hate myself

wish myself just die

don't exist

2011-10-05T09:37:00.000-07:00

should i?

or shouldn't i?

being alone

i guess i just have to bear with it

i being alone since last time

why now can't?

maybe i love you too much?

i shouldn't lock u like a bird being locked in a cage

if i love you

i should let you go

haih

2011-10-04T05:14:00.000-07:00

i am sorry for things that i did

i know apologising couldn't change the reality of the mistakes that i did

i know i always do the talking

but didn't do the action

you told me that we are not suitable to be together

not because of whoever have the problem

instead

it is because we just not meant to be together

i don't know

sad

2011-10-02T10:01:00.000-07:00

i should not cry

i must not cry

i should not let you suffer the pain

if i love you

i should just let you be happy

2011-09-30T09:19:00.000-07:00

few days later

we will have our anniversary

but deep down

we know we can't go on forever

we just got to let go

i know you're tired

i know i need to be stronger

people said:

"trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew"

it is true

forgetting you is something i can't do it and i won't do it

to me

you are one of the best things in my life

never know that i been loved by someone so much

never know that having you makes me learn so much about life

i don't know why i kept crying whenever i thought bout it

i know you and i did our best but we just can't

yes

i know we just have to move on

i can't always rely on you

and i shouldn't be a burden to you

i need to let go

for you or for me

this is the best

i know i have to let go

i know i need to be a little stronger

take care and thanks for all the memories

don't worry about me

i will be a little stronger

2011-09-29T07:50:00.000-07:00

this year

so many things (super duper bad) happened to me

laptop, health, relationship

haih

kill me please

2011-09-25T11:47:00.000-07:00

people said:

love does not necessary to own it

i think i shouldn't own you

i just got to let you go

i shouldn't keep you with me

being with me

you becoming tire, lifeless, upset, moneyless, and annoying

not only that

you always get yourself into troubles

i guess 1 millions of sorry also couldn't make it right

if i love you

i should let you go

because letting you go can make you happy

but i know you scare that i will devastate

don't worry about me

i can survive

20 years of being alone

it taught me to be alone

though the beginning of without you will be a little hard

don't worry about me

just promise me

you need to take care yourself

drink more water

eat full and on time

when driving remember not to empty your mind

please take vitamin c too as you always get sick

2011-09-23T23:51:00.000-07:00

the reason i cry is because i love you

i don't want to let you go

but this time i won't stop you

i want you to be happy

don't worry bout me

is you i am worry bout

always stomach pain

always get fever

always get flu

i am worry bout you

you don't worry me

just remember you must drink more water and take care of yourself

this time i give the decision for you to make

i won't beg nor stopping you

i just have to learn to accept

thankiew for all the memories you had gave me

thankiew for loving me and take care of me

thankiew for never abandon me

thankiew for never wanting to change me

thankiew for trust me

thankiew for changing yourself to suit me more

thankiew for tolerate my childishness

thankiew for being here whenever i needed you

thankiew for every moment that you spent with me

all these i will treasure it till i die

i know whatever happen, it is all my fault

from the beginning

i kept doing the same mistake

i never learn to be grateful nor a good lover

don't worry bout me

i am strong

don't worry bout me

whatever decision you are making

just be congruent to your heart

and don't have to worry bout me

i can accept it

2011-09-22T06:34:00.000-07:00

annoying

i am annoying

i am pain in the ass

what ever you decide

i will respect and accept

i am a scumbag

i am sorry

sorry for not try harder

i will accept the decision you will make

i won't blame you

i only will blame myself

2011-09-18T09:37:00.000-07:00

i know you are right bout all the things that going around

i know you are right bout the reason we get into fighting

i know what type of person i am

greedy, dissatisfy, complainer, stupid,

all these and more which always bring us into fight

i know what type of person you are

and i know you had changed to another person to suit me

i should be grateful and appreciate it

yet i am a fool

what i did is beyond stupidity

i just complain and complain

i never really been a good lover

i am not deserve to be in a relationship

now

i am getting worst

i got so many bad attitude and also becoming ugly

i know there are more reasons to kick me away from your life

yet you did not

i want you

i want to rely on you sometimes

i am tired being fighting alone in this big world

i can't find anyone to talk with

you asked me to go out with my friends

i did

i did what you asked me to do

it just that my friends do not want to go out with me

and i wanted to find someone to talk to but none will listen to me

here i am, complaining again

2011-09-09T21:39:00.000-07:00

should i let you go?

i just smurfs you a lot

but i can't be selfish

you are tired

should i just let you go?

i think i am terrible lover

sorry

i think i should think bout it seriously

thankiew for smurfing me too

i truly thanks you for smurfing me for all these while

now i know i can't find someone better than you

but it is not your fault

is me

i just want to be selfish

but i know i can't

smurfs you a lot

with my whole heart

but smurfs can't make it right

i am confused now

i just want you

but i can't be selfish

what can i do?

sorrrrrrrry

2011-09-06T07:49:00.000-07:00

i feel stress but i don't have anyone to turn too

i feel all the weights are on my shoulder

i almost fall

i don't know how long can i still stand

i really wanted this friday to come yet this friday will be my doomed day

i am scare

but i got no one to turn too

i just want someone to help me

i felt everyone are thinking that i am superman

can do my own

i want someone to care too

i am tired

physically and emotionally

........................................

2011-09-01T10:35:00.001-07:00

i realised i am not hating iphone

it just that i scare the application that u can use

i'm forever keeping my angel close.

2011-08-17T08:43:00.000-07:00

are u the one who really loves me?

are u the one who really be there when i really need u?

would u be the one who shares my happiness, sadness?

would u be the one who is going to wipe away all my tears when i cry?

would u be the one who going to laugh with me till i old?

would u hold my hand till i die?

would u care about me when i needed someone to care?

i would.

i would do everything for u.

if u love me, i will love u with all my life.

i don't care bout others

i just care bout u.

2.28

2011-08-16T11:28:00.000-07:00

am i good?

i don't know what i did is good or bad

i don't know whether the way i treat u is good or bad

i don't know whether do i kill u with my love

i don't know should i just continue with this love or not

i don't know

i love u

but all i can see is i am creating all the problems that lead to both of us suffering.

is it this what i want for us?

do i want u to be sad?

do i really love u or does my love cause u hurt?

i am confuse now

i am not clever

i am the most stupid person

sorry that i am not clever person

i know u like clever person

sorry

1.31am

2011-07-27T10:31:00.000-07:00

my love causes pain

break up?

final option?

lately being thinking a lot

why would keep you together if you are not loving me any more

you are not happy and i am not happy

i always thought love you to the fullest will ensure us to have happiness

you said you still love me

and i know

i can feel it

but i sometimes will think negatively

actually

is not your fault

i mean you are suitable to be in relationship

is me

you know

the things i want

the things i keep demand

is me

is me not suitable to be in relationship

you are right

loving someone shouldn't change him/her

love the way he/she is

but i am keep changing you

maybe i need to ask myself

do i really love you

or do i just wanna change you to become the person i wanted

at this moment

i ask myself

if you wanted to break up, can i accept?

and i told myself to accept it

all i know i want you to be happy

i don't want hurt you again

because of me

you had been sad for so many times

and i am feel sad too

i am angry with myself

if really break up

definitely i will sad

but we still need to face it

....

6.01am

2011-07-26T15:02:00.000-07:00

i ask myself today

what is love?

is love means to be with you or it means to let you go?

or just pretend not to know?

love?

it is weird

it makes us to happy yet sad

love also makes us greedy

the memories

bittersweet

there are part of you and i

they are our memories

time flies

and we know each others well

the habits, the behaviours, the likes, the dislikes, the mood

why need to search for another one since we already started to know each other?

what causes us to be like that?

is it the fights?

or is it we are not meant to be together in the first place?

love is really weird

it can make us can't sleep at night just to think about the other half

it can make us to be moody

yet

love can make us smile when we are together with each other

i am still confused

in the end

what is love?

it seems complicated

maybe i am still immature

can't understand it

or maybe i am not ready for love yet

like this lo ----> unhappy lo

2011-07-23T05:41:00.000-07:00

i shouldn't be unhappy

but i am

i saw people's post

they went out with their lover

and i?

i am sitting in front of my laptop

looking at the facebook

reading and looking at their photos

making me jealous

:(

2011-07-15T22:12:00.000-07:00

i wanna trust you

i don't know why i will keep checking on you

am i crazy?

i think i am

i know our relationship is not the same any more

i can sense it

it is totally different

i can feel that you treat me is no longer the same as used to be

i can't say it is your fault

coz i know whatever happened

all is because of me

i am stupid

i am not good

i am not suitable for everyone

i feel like if the world without me will be better

coz i am nothing good but the worst of the human being

i am just ignorance

i always think of the bad (s) instead of the good (s)

11.49

2011-07-12T08:49:00.000-07:00

can u just break up because u wanna break up?

to me i can't

because the love is still there

people who know me

they thought i am easy going

if want to break up, i just break up

but in fact,

i can't

i will try to hold on to it

coz the love is there

and i don't want to lost everything that i being working on it

the moment the break up comes

all the memories, good and bad

sweet and sour

all come into my mind

at that point

surely break up it will be tough thing to do

1.24am

2011-07-10T10:24:00.000-07:00

am i crazy?

am i stupid?

or am i just purely naive?

i just want a simple love

simple and sweet

i don't care bout the money nor material things

i am not those people who want things

all i want is a simple love

if you love me

please don't play my heart

my heart fragile

it is not strong like it used to be

the reason

because it completely trusts you

completely letting himself to love you

if you love someone else

be clean about it

i don't mind to be friend again if we really can't be lover

but please don't play with my heart

i rather to know the truth instead being lied

i hate myself more than anyone at this moment

2011-07-03T07:38:00.000-07:00

i hate myself

i just wanna be in my room and let myself lock inside

i hate seeing myself

i hate myself to think this and that

all these are bad

but why i keep on thinking bout it?

i feel like i am going to lose myself

i just want u care

i just want to see u more often

maybe i am not suitable to be in love

maybe i am not suitable to be with u

maybe i just better go away from this world.

sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead

2011-05-30T12:28:00.000-07:00

you are you

i can't find someone like you

you have your special place in my heart

i could not just simply replace you

i can't forget you too

coz what you had gave to me

love, care, attention, happiness, sadness, jealousy,

all these will be in my memories

i can't let go of you

i love you more than ever

a quick thought

2011-05-26T08:35:00.000-07:00

all my friends are going to oversea

some go for study

some go for vacation

i am happy for them that they can go

i hope they are safe when they are in oversea

but in my heart

i wonder when i will able to go oversea?

i never being to oversea

even in the nearest place

Singapore or Thailand

i wanted to go

angry

2011-05-05T05:19:00.000-07:00

i know i shouldn't saying this but i really wanted to say

i know i shouldn't think this way but i can't stop myself

my value: i should accept people, not selfish, not mean, no aggression, shouldn't talk bad about someone

but i am seriously cannot deny what i am feeling

if i don't really say it out

i will go crazy

i hate that person

i don't like that person

that person's existence is arghhhhh

i really hate that person

FUCK

(sorry to be vulgar, i just couldn't control myself)

sorry

2011-05-03T10:41:00.000-07:00

first time

u wrote a long sms to me

first time

u used a very high pitch tone

i guess

i cross the border

i am sorry

i know i am idiot

i know i always hurt u

i know i am bad

sorry

T^T

2011-05-01T09:59:00.000-07:00

i just wanted u to love me

love me by telling me

love me by caring me

i know i am bad bad bad

i don't let u go out

if u wanted to go out, u have to ask permission

i am sorry that u been locked up in a cage

i am confuse with myself

i want u to go out but i am jealous especially when someone betters than me talk to u

am i not confident with myself, u, or our love?

am i not trusting u?

am i not ur ideal couple?

i am afraid of losing u

the past really affect me

i am scare that u will be taken by someone else

u told me that if one day, we break up, it is not because of someone else, it is because of me

why?

why i keep think negatively??????????

i really hate that application

sorry

i know i shouldn't block u

i just hate it

i hate the feeling of being insecure

u are good

too good till sometimes, i questioned myself that are u really meant for me or am i just dreaming?

many people out there are better than me

why would u want this lousy guy?

i always think that

i scare

i don't know

i just scare

i love u called me

i love the way i hug u

i love the smell of u

i love the kiss

i love u scold me *pai chi*

i love u

19/4/2011

2011-04-18T11:23:00.000-07:00

at this hour

i should get some sleep

i need to wake up at 8am later today

but i can't sleep

my heart is missing you

my brain is full of your images

i am looking at the pictures we took

all the perfect pictures

all the sweet memories

i know you're sleeping soundly

and i am happy that you are sleep well

i can't really wait to see you again

i miss you

and i am trying my very best not to let my negative thinking to influence me

i wanted to achieve this time

i don't want just talk

i want my action to be acted

you always treat me good no matter how bad i did

this time

i will

i will make it different

18/4/2011

2011-04-17T10:04:00.000-07:00

why i feel that u are not happy?

i know i did wrong

i know promises that i had made had not been fulfil

i know i always hurt u

saying things that shouldn't even think bout it

i know u are good

i know u treat me better than anyone else

but why?

why would i always think bout negative things about us?

bout our relationship?

is it i am not good to be your lover?

i used to think that our love will be forever

i will never leave u

nor u will leave me

(though u did not leave me yet)

but i feel like i might lose u

i am scare with this feeling

i scare of losing u

why?

i did asked myself

and the answer

I LOVE YOU

i realized how much u meant to me

how much we spent our time together

where we had been, what we did, what we had ate, what we had watched

every time before i sleep

i think bout all the memories that we had

even though

we had a lot of arguments

but we have our good and sweet memories too

what i want

i just want u

what u want or where u want to go

u just let me know

i will let u free like a bird

i love you

LJMU

2011-04-14T06:18:00.000-07:00

LJMU

i had a discussion with my dad on this

he said he might able to support me to go for LJMU

i really want to have "double degree"

RM30000

T^T

怕安静

2011-04-09T10:36:00.000-07:00

i am scare of losing you.

i am scare you don't want me.

i love you.

i know you know that i love you and i know you love me too.

but

all the words that you told me

"future, no one knows", "maybe something might change", "don't think bout the future"

all these make me scare.

i don't want to lose you.

i am used to being with you.

i scare you might not want me anymore.

all my weaknesses.

i scare you might look for a better one.

coz a lot more better people compare to me out there.

i don't think i am good.

and to me you are good.

i do believe that a lot people will like you because you are good.

i save all the SMS that you sent to me.

it always make me feel touch.

especially those SMS you said you love me.

these few weeks, we had fights.

i always hate myself for fighting with you on silly matters.

i know you won't do things that can hurt me.

i do believe you won't.

but sometimes, my brain just keep play the trick on me.

always distorting my thinking.

and i am sorry for that.

apologise is not something new to you nor to me.

i always apologise because all the stupid mistakes i did.

i know i am kinda annoying.

but i never want to stop telling you that i love you.

coz i don't want waste one minute of not telling you how much i love you.

actually i scare that you will leave me one day.

i know that will come.

i am wishing it won't comes.

T^T

2/2/2011 1034

2011-02-02T06:34:00.000-08:00

suddenly feel so emo

maybe i am too sensitive

i don't know

i was online and i saw u

but suddenly u just offline

maybe i just too sensitive

i keep thinking why would u offline after i online not even for 5 minutes

suddenly all the thoughts came to me

negative thoughts

*think of*

the messages that u received from others

the things u might doing without i am knowing

feel like i am going to crazy

heart said believe

head said the other thing

confuse

if u want to break

u can let me know

i won't stop it anymore

someone said :

to love is to let go

if u wanted to go, i will

though i will drop my tears

yet i promise i won't do anything more than that

haih

being grateful

2011-01-20T07:19:00.000-08:00

thanks

i am grateful to have u

jealousy, thinking negatively, emotional ups and downs quicker than eating

these are all my WEAKNESSES

yet, u accept me who am i

u never stop loving me though i make a lot mistakes

i asked

"do u love me?"

u answered it

"if i don't love u, what is the point being together with u?"

i know i am being silly here but i just want to know though i know the answer

i just want to apologise

i know i am looking down on myself

and that causes problem to u

like what happened yesterday

i know i shouldn't jealous but i can't help it

sorry

LOVE YOU

emo again

2011-01-18T09:01:00.000-08:00

having a little emo at this moment

maybe because of ...

feeling sad

2010-12-21T09:13:00.000-08:00

i never like this feeling

hate the celebration session

i don't like to be alone

yet u always let me being alone

i want to celebrate with you

but in the end i am alone

i don't want the darkness of the walls consume me

but i guess i had too

abstract

2010-12-14T09:06:00.000-08:00

love

what is love?

why love can be so deep to some while some others think it is just merely a feeling?

after the case of the guy jumped off from the building because of breakup

it makes me wonder

love can be so dangerous

but why people still want to go for it?

i saw posts that scolding him or saying him stupid

but

i understand what is the guy felt at that time

when he/she really sad, he/she really couldn't sees any light in front of him/her

i am not trying to say what is right nor what is wrong

psychology taught me a lot things

one of it is to empathize others

i do think that what he did is stupid

but in his perspective, he just couldn't think right at that moment

sometimes people just do things that unexpectedly

why would he do it?

maybe he really loves the gal, or maybe he really too sad, or maybe other factors

but, we never know the answer coz he is not here to tell us

when people asked me about opinion in this matter

i am not agreeing on what has he done nor not really think that should blame him for his stupidity

when you love someone, you just hoping that you can be with him/her forever

wanting to spend every moments with him/her

wanting to have future with him/her

someone told me that i will do that (suicide) too if i have the same outcome like that guy

will i?

it is funny to look at my thoughts

i mean answering back the question

long long time ago (i am not that old, just wanna prescribe how long it was only), suicide are stupid and selfish act

then, long time ago (which past these few years), suicide is not something bad

and now i am not thinking bout suicide coz i don't think life should be ended that way

and i promised that i won't do that

maybe a little bit of self hurting

maybe i will just hurt myself by drinking alcohol or might go crazy for months or years

but i guess (i hope) i will stand up from it

in a relationship

i think the most important factor is that communication

don't hold anything to yourself

just talk to him/her

everything can be worked it out =)

i wanted to share something bout myself

however

i never able to share because i always felt that i shouldn't share coz it is not appropriate to share out

and also it is being a long long time since i didn't tell anyone bout things, it is not easy for me to start

i wanted to say that i am those type of persons that depend on others

when i love someone

i depend on that person

i can't take it when promise didn't fulfill, i am easily jealous, i can lock that person in a cage like a bird without its wing, i can be moody

p.s: just share for fun... =)

:x: boy factor :x:

2010-12-14T08:27:00.000-08:00

looking at four walls in the house

its make me think a lot

a lot of negative things

sometimes, i could be that cheerful boy

sometimes, i could be very very emo boy

these few days

went back to my secondary school nearby restaurant

i remember

i always spent my times there during my secondary school

my friends and i were always went there for lunch

there is an uncle who always called me boy

today

that uncle called me boy again

haha

it felt so nice and young

ok ok

i admit i am not young anymore

but it's fun to hear that someone called us boy or girl

emo

2010-12-03T11:13:00.000-08:00

i don't like this feeling

feeling of being alone

i being alone since forever

i can't really remember since when i felt this way

i just don't like being alone

i hate that theory that i learned during i was in diploma

the theory said

everyone is born to be alone in this world

even you found your another half, you still alone in most of the things that you need to do

no matter how i dislike this theory

but deep down in my heart, i know it is true

everyone is alone

these few days, this feeling is so strong that i couldn't think right

my mood is ups and downs

in the noon, i could be jolly as i could be

during midnight, i became sort a like depression patient

my mood is becoming bipolar

my mind is in the state of agony

negative thoughts kept attacking my mind

felt like my head was about to explode

i guess what i want is that a simple care

simple hug

i just want to assure myself that i am worth to be in this world

i want to assure myself that my existence is important to you

i know i need a lot of reassurances

and i know it is annoy to keep reassure

please bear with me

i just need you to be with me

dream

2010-12-02T09:13:00.000-08:00

i dreamed bout us

in the dream

we were not happy

we were arguing

we were bout to break up

i cried

i felt i lost the direction

direction in anything

don't know what to do

don't know where to go

all i know was i got to find you

in the dream

i was wandering around

my mind was going to explode

my mind couldn't think well

all i know i wanted to talk to you

in the dream

it was dark

i can't see anything

i saw some people

however

something in my heart told me that they are bad

still

i just ignored them and i walked passed by them

what in my mind was i just wanted to look for you

i don't want to be alone

i cried

i woke up

the dream was so intense

the dream was so vivid

the dream was so real that i felt that way in reality

i know i am very selfish

i know i wanted to lock you up like a bird in a cage

you wanted to fly but i blocked your freedom

i tried my hardest to let you fly

but i failed

i failed so hard that things didn't turn well

things get very ugly

you told me nothing to be worry bout

but deep down in my heart i know something is wrong

something is not right

something that wanted to tell me that maybe you might not love me like use to be

i am trying my hardest to push the thoughts away

i am convincing myself that you are love me

but why my mind kept thinks negatively?

maybe i grew attached to you

maybe i just can't accept if we were no longer together

maybe i couldn't stand by my own feet

maybe i am use to be with you

yet why would i thinking all those?

you are still here with me

you are still belong to me

you are still telling me that you are mine

you still telling me that you love me

you still telling me that your heart was caught by me and it is not easy to get it back

why am i so stupid?

why am i want to think all those things that aren't happen?

one thing for sure i know is that

i love you more than anything

i can give up my own life for you

you are more than anything

you will get the first place in my heart

i love you

2010-11-30T08:58:00.000-08:00

i am useless!

23/11/2010

2010-11-22T10:09:00.000-08:00

suddenly

thought of that night

you told me

i "caught" your heart

my heart melt

you held me

you hugged me

we kissed

your lips

your body's temperature

everything was perfectly

the moment still running vividly in my mind

i know

we will have more moments together

i won't angry nor jealous for some stupid small things

i know i got to control my emotions

thanks for tolerate

i know it is not easy for you to tolerate someone likes me

but you did it

3 words

2010-11-13T11:48:00.000-08:00

i love you

screw me

2010-10-18T08:58:00.000-07:00

hate myself

for being an useless guy

erb really rejected again due to the permission to use the questionnaire was not there

maybe i didn't really "jaga" your feeling that time

maybe my tone was a bit high

sorry

i also don't know bout that permission too

if i know bout it

i won't let it happen too

lost marks in erb

i can't blame anyone for anything

5% erb marks

i know i can't really complain nor blame others

coz i know i got fault which i did not check

4% marks in 308 quizzes gone~

just blaming myself for not at that class

sorry to those who i offended and sorry because make u guys to perceive that i am blaming

sorry

everyday in HELP

i don't feel like wanna go for classes

don't feel like wanna study

just feel like wanna stop

stop for a year, stop forever

i just feel that right now

:)

2010-10-15T01:07:00.000-07:00

爱你

没有理由

如果

你要我选

要还是不要和你在一起

我会选择和你在一起

因为你给我的爱和你的心

是足够让我爱你一千年

你的爱很温软

谢谢

p/s: i am hoping this time i am right. no more spelling mistake... haha XD

感受

2010-10-13T10:40:00.000-07:00

我真的很喜欢你

爱你不是因为，你很好看还是你聪明

可是我爱你是因为你是你。

没有其它原因。

没有人可以更换你

是你在我的心，你而已。

爱你就想保护你，

sayang 你，

关心你，

想伱。

你为我而边

我看到的

谢谢你

我爱你

p/s: sorry if i wrote some wrong chinese characters.

u are my everything :)

2010-10-05T10:57:00.000-07:00

really had a great day with u

03/10/2010

the cookies i baked for u

it is not that really delicious

but still u like it

i really happy to hear that

i love u told me that i steal ur heart away and it will not be easy to get it back from me

i really happy even though i don't show to u

coz i don't wanna lose my "cool"

but i know i never have any cool in front of u

i always embarrassed myself in front of u

and we laughed bout it

"yu yun" (yu yuen = launguage)

u always laughed me because i pronounced wrongly

but i enjoy being laugh by u

my heart was stolen by u long long time ago

and u know it

3/10/2010

this day

i will never forget

a day that i treasure a lot

i miss ur smell

the fragrance that always lingered to me when i am with u

i miss ur lips

we kissed each other in a way that the whole world is belong to us

i miss ur touch

the way u touch me is pampering me, is to care me, is to love me

i miss ur voice

always sound jolly, the way u called me, the way we talked to each other

i miss ur hug

hugging u gave me warmth, hugging u make me feels like the world is full of love

i always wonder myself

why are the time pass by so quickly when i am with u?

why are the time pass by so slow when i am not with u?

sometimes i really felt that i am so powerful that i can make the time to stop whenever i am with u

but i know i can't

now

i understand what do u meant when u told me that the most important when being together is spending quality times together instead of quantity times

but i am greedy

*haha*

i want quantity and quality

thankiew for loving me and accepting me

sick 13/09/10

2010-09-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

i am sick since thursday midnight

fever were here and there

temperature were up and down

i was cold and hot

the most painful part is my throat

swallowing my own saliva is very pain

can't talk, can't drink, can't eat

friday midnight

u came to me and u took care of me

u gave me medicine to eat

u asked me to rest more

due to that

the temperature was able to control

i do not have any fever

i remember the way u hug me

the way u care bout me

the way u remind me to take medicine.

just want to say thank u for take care me

i always cause u trouble

thanks for loving me

thanks for take care me

thanks for being here when i really needed u

untitled~

2010-09-04T00:28:00.000-07:00

why?

i trust u, why my mind think bout the other way?

if i don't think, i won't hurt u and me

but why?

why could i ever ever do that?
i really do love you
every time think bout those arguments,
feel pain
feel angry to myself
why would i wanna be like that
i really do love u
i really never mean to hurt u
"my heart is stolen by u"
u said this to me
i felt so happy every times i heard it
i will jia you to not let myself to be hurting u again
sorry

hunger!

2010-08-27T09:02:00.000-07:00

i am hungry!

LOL

i being hungry since 8pm

but i really do not wanna go for dinner alone

really hate the feeling eating dinner alone

at 11pm

i wrote that i am hungry in Facebook

now is about to 12 am

yet i am still here writing blog

someone suggest me that i can do another famine

LOL

but i don't want

coz i am really hungry now

i guess i wanna reward myself

i wanna go eat McD

order sundae ice cream

eat apple pie

with a fillet o fish burger

plus with a nice chill coke

while suffocate myself with french fries.

LOL

think about it

i am like trying to kill myself

haha

but i don't care

i am super duper hungry now

p/s: i don't care bout fat for tonight.... XD

30 hour famine

2010-08-25T11:46:00.000-07:00

30 hour famine

hmm

at first i was nervous

i mean well who does not nervous

this is my first time joining and i choose to be a group leader.

as the day approached to the camp

i was getting nervous

i never thought i will be hoping the day will not come

anyway the day still came

LOL

i remember the night before the camp, i went to watch inception at sunway pyramid with mystery person. LOL

anyway, back to the famine

i woke up at 5.15am to get ready for the camp

waited for jie ying to pick me up since there will be no way for me to go to HELP so damn early

we reached to HELP at 6.30am and i thought wah so scare le me suddenly... LOL

and it's get worst

my stupid freaking idiot bag's zip spoiled

it's freaked me out

so bad luck huh~

LOL

but at the end, i bought the stupid jarum to lock my bag...

during the famine camp, i learned a lot things and i befriend with a lot of friends.

actually during the whole camp

i was not hungry at all

and i wasn't drink a lot of water.

but i started to feel hungry is when during the bukit jalil whereby the volunteers had started to give us the bread and soy drink.

for the first time, i can say that vsoy and rm0.70 bread taste so nice... LOL

in bukit jalil, i saw nicholas zhang, fish leong, z-chen, and others

wah so damn happy

after the whole 30 hour famine

now, everyone are making friends with each other and spamming at each other in facebook

it's feel so whole (if u know what i mean)

haha

i will join again next year ^^v

21st presents

2010-08-25T11:35:00.000-07:00

it's been a while i did not post anything to my blog

actually there are a lot things i would like to share

just do not know where to start on.

i guess i start with my birthday celebration ^^

this year birthday~

hmmm

nothing special i guess

as usual

bee teen will try to surprise me with a surprise birthday cake but this year she unsuccessful to do so since i was a bit in hurry

anyway

she did her great job.

present

oh yea, i do received a lot of presents from my friends and family and someone special.

haha

presents list:

1. a shirt

2. a photo

3. photo with home made frame

4. perfume

5. key

6. sushi

7. italy food, sushi, and white gold key

8. cakes (cheese cake, tiramisu cake, and cashew cake)

9. thailand foods

10. ice cream and hagan daazs ice cream

11. angpau from sister and daddy

12. daddy gave me the watch but it was last year... LOL

the most memorable present is the white gold key from someone

haha

anyway

i treasure the white gold key is not because of the value

yet it is because it is from u

and the time i spend with u makes everything to be more memorable.

3/10/2009

2010-07-11T09:35:00.000-07:00

i know i always think on negative things

i am really sorry

i try to change myself

i really love u

u give me a lot a lot of good memories

the most scary thing that i always think of is that u will leave

leave becoz i am nothing good

T^T

i don't wanna lose u

what is this feeling?

why so sad when i think of u will leave me?

why it can hurt me?

why it can cut my hurt like a knife cut on my hand while splashing lemon or salt into the wound?

u always appear in my brain

am i going crazy?

why i can see everything is bout u?

why i always think of u?

why i really care bout everything that u do or u say?

why should i really be jealous of people around u?

what i really should do?

i am going crazy

T^T

i

2010-07-09T07:32:00.000-07:00

who am i?

who really need security feeling.

i need someone who can love me.

i mean by action and by feeling, that person must able to show it.

i know i am greedy.

i know i am selfish.

i know am childish.

i also know that i am demanding.

u did a wonderful job.

i know it is not easy for u.

there are a lot problems with me.

1. i am fear of separation.

2. i am demanding.

3. i have bipolar, can be happy now and next thing i can be unhappy.

4. i am really really really think a lot of negative things and this really affect others.

5. i don't listen to u.

6. i love to to be with u, never enough for me to see u, hear u, and touch u.

7. i do not know how to care for u.

8. maybe i am having trust issue.

9. last but not least, i always hurt u which i am regretting to do it.

U

2010-07-07T09:54:00.000-07:00

u know who am i referring to.

only u is all i ever wanted.

there are a lot of memories with u.

u gave the new meaning to my life.

ur kindness, patience, caring, love, trust and a lot more.

if can, i really wish to pick the star from the sky just for u.

i am nothing.

nothing good on me yet u still love me.

thanks

angel

2010-06-23T10:41:00.000-07:00

when i am small

i wish to have an angel to protect me

right now

i found my angel

i realised how important u can be to me

without u

life could be so pointless

in my mind

u are the one to me

arguments, fights

all these almost break us

yet

u and i tried our best to hold it

and we always get through it

i do not want fights, arguments

it is my thought

it is automatic to think that way

i tried to ignore it

i tried to focus other things when i am thinking bout it

for the first few times

it works

i just got to make it work again

i am trying

now

i am free from those

as i am understand u more

while u also understand me more

there might be times that we will argue

but it just a process

i guess we can look at it and say well without it, we are kinda boring

thanks

for being there to support me and giving me the times to change

T_T

2010-06-17T12:19:00.000-07:00

sorry~

i never meant to act that way

i promised that i won't do, yet i done it

i know my words can't be trusted anymore

i already doing my best

why i am still like that?

i try not to think negatively

i tried~

T_T

i tried to hold my tears

why the tears flow by itself?

i don't want to cry

why?

why am i crying?

all because i failed my promises

my words can't be trusted

i can't blame u

coz i made it

i i i

i just want everything to be the old times.

T_T

catching thumb

2010-06-15T12:01:00.000-07:00

whoever can thought that a simple game could be that fun?

simple game but sweet memory.

catching thumb is a childhood game.

it is not something that grand but it is something that could make u think of ur favourite person to play with.

all these while i am really a stupid person for not being appreciate u.

in the car, while playing catching thumb

it felt great.

i understand it now.

a relationship should have qualitative times instead of quantitative times.

i will slowly be matured.

wait for me.

i will not be ignorance anymore.

i won't make myself to do regrettable decisions or behaviours.

won't not try to hurt u.

hurting u is the last thing that i wanna do.

cheers~

new experience on photo shooting~ 5/6/2010

2010-06-05T04:22:00.000-07:00

5th June 2010

this date marks for the first time

i went for photo shooting.

place: taman bukit jalil.

the place is such a beautiful place.

got turtles, oh my god...

different sizes.

thanks albert (the photographer) for taking photos.

this session taught me a lot things.

i realized i am not that good in posing in front of camera.

as the albert helped me to take photos

my arms, legs, body pose, even my face expressions looked silly to me.

LOL

there is another silly thing that i done.

i thought this session is involve with salary (luckily it didn't)

i told everyone that it is from the modeling agency.

actually is not.

sorry guys for my mistake.

LOL

however

this albert guy is from this so call 1news forum.

and he helped me took the photos is for me to upload to that forum for a contest (i think so).

i will ask him more details.

LOL

albert told me that he will send me all the photos that he took

and i have to select top 15 photos.

let him know so that i am not sure for what.

LOL

anyway

the photos i will upload later.

coz i haven't receive the photos yet.

i think i won't upload at here coz i will upload on facebook.

rf rf

p/s: don't laugh when viewing my photos, early warning to u guys...

: D

kenny is signing off.

ciaozZz~

ipoh's experiences

2010-05-30T11:06:00.000-07:00

wohooo~

i seriously in love with ipoh de.

haha

actually,

what so interesting in ipoh?

hmmm~

to me,

another plain city.

but,

what make it interesting is that you accompany me to go to.

hahaha

rush yet fun.

haha

anyway,

this is my first time try to go other state by taking a train.

oh yea~

wu hoo~

ktm.

the feeling kinda like back to the old times.

i thought that by traveling through train, we will be more slow.

indeed,

i am wrong.

the train was kinda fast.

hmmm~

LOL

the main point is not here.

at ipoh,

what we done was:

1. consulted with a "witch doctor" LOL -.-|||

2. ate "rang liao" (yong tau fu). LOL

3. ate tau fu fah. (holly cow, this tau fu fah, must try peeps. it is not the same as in kl. this one, you can choose to take away, however the system works like McD. you got to queue up along with other cars. one by one, the car approach to the stall and place the order to the worker. worker bring out the tau fu fah and you eat it in the car and give back to the worker and along with the money too.)

4. visit cave. LOL (kek lok shi, something like that. correct me if i am wrong. hehe paiseh)

5. ohh yea i got to know the ipoh better (well, i mean the road's names. i mean like kun choi kai {coffin street}, strawberry park, tim bang kai {desserts street}.

however, the rain followed us from kl to ipoh.

i mean when we reach ipoh

ipoh started to rain and when we about to leave

the rain stopped.

however,

along the way we back to kl,

the rain was non stopped.

LOL

until we reached kepong sentral,

yes the rain still did not stopped.

LOL

we really brought rain (shui = money) to ipoh.

-.-|||

...

2010-05-26T09:11:00.000-07:00

all these while

i don't know how to appreciate you.

i make a lot of mistakes that i wish i could return to the past and change.

now

those actions hunts me.

i am sorry.

but i know it is useless to apologise.

coz what i had done is done.

nothing can change.

though

u still forgiving me

i can't forgive myself to hurt u.

why i so stupid to hurt u

instead to appreciate u.

all the mistakes i done

yet u never really mad me for long period.

instead u always tried to comfort me.

thanks.

i wanna be the person that i said i would be.

u had change my entire life.

what am i now is thanks to u.

things had changed.

sorry.

meaningful lyric~

2010-05-13T05:15:00.000-07:00

i accidentally found this song while i was browsing lady antebellum's albums.

this song gave me a strong impact.

it made me think that not everything that we wanted, we will able to get it.

LoL

i think i wrote too much.

read the lyric by yourself and you will understand what i meant.

enjoy yea

lady antebellum - all we'd ever need

Boy it's been all this time
And I can't get you off my mind
And nobody knows it but me

I stare at your photograph
Still sleep in the shirt you left
And nobody knows it but me

Everyday I wipe my tears away
So many nights I've prayed for you to say..

I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me

I should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
Maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need

My friends think I'm moving on
But the truth is I'm not that strong
And nobody knows it but me

I've kept all the words you've said
In a box underneath my bed
And nobody knows it but me

But if you're happy
I'll get through somehow
But the truth is
I've been screaming out..

I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me

I should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
Maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need

It was all we'd ever need
I thought it was all we'd ever need
Ohh

I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me

I should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
And maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had, mmm
Ohh that what we had
What we had
It was all we'd ever need

p/s: you are the only thing i need~

1 2 3

2010-05-12T22:57:00.000-07:00

there is an old said, "one man's food another man's poison".

well, i guess it is true.

i can't really expect everyone think the same thing on me.

i just need to learn to accept everything.

a lot things i am in the process of learning.

i learn to put myself into others' perspective.

i learn to be more understandable.

maybe i am still not good at it, i trying.

i need time.

there are times that i wish that i can be more mature.

whether in relationship (i mean any type of relationships) or attitude toward studies or works.

coz i realized i am not good in handling anything.

i am still learning.

i need time.

can time really help us to mature or to forget or to cool down everything?

i learned from someone where he said that time actually can't do anything.

well, i am not sure.

coz i am still finding my very own answer to this.

when i find out this answer, i will let you know. XD

p/s: it just a simple feeling that occur to me right now and i just wanna share it out with you guys.

no offense if hurt some of you. LOL

my dear lovely x6

2010-05-11T09:15:00.001-07:00

T_T

handphone, X6.

i regret to upgrade ur software.

if i know this would happened.

T_T

now the handphone totally ki siao jor.

i want to read chinese or type chinese fonts.

now, even english wording also will be in square.

why?

surfing the facebook with handphone, some words also will be square.

T_T

feelings~

2010-05-04T09:11:00.000-07:00

all this while, i really never thought that i will be that having much feeling to you.

though i always know that i do have a strong feeling on you, i never thought it was that strong till it can really shut my whole world to others.

only a call from you, my journey can become so happy.

because of you concern, i feel like i being taken care by angel.

you is just the one i need.

i love you, these three words, you said to me few times, now i am so miss it.

these three words are the energy booster to me.

i know my attitude is causing you to be very tired, i am know.

thanks for always being here with me.

back to blogs~ ^^

2010-04-30T09:31:00.000-07:00

hell yeah~

i am back from my depression weeks.

LOL

last week i was depressed for coursework marks that i scored and the way i done my exam.

hmm~

but today i am ok jor

coz these few days, kinda good things happened to me.

bought myself a X6 NOKIA cell phone.

went to eat lunch with tracy, mun fang, angel, and woon ping.

nice lunch.

spend a lot of times with you.

haha

suddenly forgot bout my exams and coursework marks.

3 Oh!3 ft. Neon Hitch - Follow Me Down

2010-04-20T05:49:00.000-07:00

3 Oh!3 ft. Neon Hitch - Follow Me Down

i am so in love with this song.

though this song is one of the alice in wonderland, i do like it.

(nothing against with this movie, sorry just that i hate clown, and johnny deep, u look like a clown to me in that movie).

LOL

Take me take me outta here it makes me
Feel so, feel so na na nana na

Baby baby here we all crazy
You don’t have to worry na na nana na

So follow me down
Out of this town
Girl you’re moving way too slow
So follow me down, I’ll show you around
There’s a place we gotta go

Follow me, follow me
Fa la-la-la-la [x2]
Fa la-la-la-la

Dancing, walking clock keeps on talking
They sing, they sing la la-la-la-la

Gentlemen and ladies, animals and babies
We sing, we sing na na na-na-na

So follow me down
Out of this town
Girl you’re moving way too slow
So follow me down, I’ll show you around
There’s a place we gotta go
[ Follow Me Down mp3 on http://musicjuzz.blogspot.com ]

Follow me, follow me
Fa la-la-la-la [x2]
Fa la-la-la-la

Follow me, follow me
Fa la-la-la-la [x2]
Fa la-la-la-la

Ahh ah oh
Ah ah ah oh
Ah ah ah oh oh

Down down down down. Oh okay
Down, down. Down down. Oh, oh

Follow me, follow me
Fa la-la-la-la [x2]
Fa la-la-la-la
Follow me, follow me
Fa la-la-la-la [x2]
Fa la-la-la-la

lost and found

2010-04-20T05:46:00.000-07:00

yippieee yea yea yipiee~

i found back my precious

so happy yet feel so weird bout the whole situation.

LOL

last week, i went back to mum's house, she told me that i left it in her house.

but as i remembered i brought back to my home.

i got my supporter too.

my bro saw that i wore it.

so weird.

LOL

besides, my mum usually will let me know if i left anything in her house.

however this time, she did not let me know.

hmmm

just feel everything very weird.

anyway, it came back to me.

i am happy.

moods

2010-04-16T12:17:00.000-07:00

mood of today : mixture of happy and worry

i am happy due to two reasons.

first reason.

i saw people that i haven't seen for ages.

they can't recognized me.

they just walked in front of me without looking at me.

am i really change that much?

i hope i did.

coz i really don't wanna be my old self again.

i wanna be the new kenny.

i think i am succeeded in doing that.

should i be proud?

hmm~ sometimes, i still think i am the old kenny.

with the fatty look.

LOL self-condemning.

second reason.

hmmm, i am extremely happy because able to meet you.

you really able to make my day to be happy.

feel happy to be with you.

LOL

to me, you are very important person.

^^V

while i am worry due to two reasons.

first reason.

this reason is being following me since last year.

i am superb extremely for god sake i am worry of my hair.

my hair kept fall i can see the flesh of my head skin.

oh my holly cow.

i went to guardian.

i bought myself a hair treatment for growing hair.

i never thought that i really need to use it so early.

anyway, it is not cheap though.

i also did consume vitamins for my hair every morning since last month.

hope will have positive effect by next month or next next month.

*cross finger*

second reason is the exam is around the corner.

yet i am still so procrastinate.

i am lazy to start my revision.

oh god, really please help me.

i need YOUR mighty guidelines.

i know i never pray for YOU.

please help me please please.

kelly clarkson if i can't have you

2010-04-16T05:18:00.000-07:00

right now i am bombing myself with kelly clarkson's song

so in love with this song

IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU

nice song...

Hearts break too fast
When the sentimental
Won't stay, won't last
When it's love at first sight
So why are my convictions
Blinded by your spotlight
Can't breathe, can't sleep
Need some medication
I'll kiss goodbye to my reservations
I know there's other fish out in the sea
Not for me
I want you

If I can't have you
Then I don't want anyone
I don't want anyone
If I can't have you
Then all the damage has been done
Baby
We can break these rules
If you wanna have some fun
If you wanna have some fun
Think of all the love that you would lose (lose)
If I can't have you (If I can't have you)
If I can't have you (If I can't have you)

Hot beat, cold sweat
Thoughts slippin' under
Can't fight, no threat
Cause there's just no use
One look no hesitation
I'm slippin' into you
Forgive these eyes
These lips you're tasting
No time to waste on an invitation
My shame, my self control
Has suffered enough
And everybody wants to be loved

If I can't have you
Then I don't want anyone
I don't want anyone
If I can't have you
Then all the damage has been done
Baby
We can break these rules
If you wanna have some fun
If you wanna have some fun
Think of all the love that you would lose
If I can't have you (If I can't have you)
If I can't have you (If I can't have you)

I haven't seen the best that love has had to offer
They say perfection's always right around the corner
Could be true
But if I can't have you

If I can't have you
Then I don't want anyone
I don't want anyone
If I can't have you
Then all the damage has been done
Baby
We can break these rules
If you wanna have some fun
If you wanna have some fun
Think of all the love that you would lose
If I can't have you (If I can't have you)
If I can't have you (If I can't have you)
If i cant have you (if I cant have you)

Think of all the love that you would lose (lose)
If I can't have you

XD

exam

2010-04-16T05:16:00.000-07:00

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EXAM coming soon

die lo...

i haven't start do my revision

why the time table for this semester all cramp into 4 days to end the whole exam?

die die die die die

friday (23/4) - psy 106 Quantitative Method

saturday (24/4) - mch 101 Mass Communication & psy 220 Career Guidance

monday (26/4) - psy 216 Exceptional Children - Development Disorder

why all come together?

die lo...

need to start kick my ass to make my ass to read

or else i really fark in the exam... LOL

jia you

oooohhhh~

2010-04-15T11:30:00.000-07:00

finally, i went back to my counselling session after being absent for bout 1 months.

hey, it is not my fault. K?

LOL

i called her the last time to postpone my session.

and the person who in charged said he will pass the message to my counsellor since she was had another session with other client at that time.

so it is not my fault.

clocks tick when i reached to CPCS today.

and my counsellor sat there and looked like she waited to me (i know she not coz she was eating something, let me zi lian a bit, k?)

when reached into the room, counsellor told me that she gonna end my session with her.

i felt ahhhh, ouuuhhhhh.

LOL

at times, i always don't want to go to session.

but, today i felt i will gonna miss it.

since i been with the sessions more than 4 months.

LOL

times really passed by quickly.

counsellor said i can stand alone to make all the decision.

i think she is right.

i can't depend on her forever.

i sure i can make it.

hmmm

*finger cross*

FARK OFF stupid idiot women!

2010-04-14T09:25:00.000-07:00

mood?

first i wanna say FUCK OFF lady.

sorry being rude but it is my right to eat in the lrt.

i am not eating something like durian or nasi lemak.

i just ate the bread.

for god sake.

it is none of your business.

you pointed to me the symbol of do not eat in train.

how bout you?

stupid idiot farking lady.

you used the elevator while it stated there so big that it is meant for disabled people.

which part of your body is disabled?

except being fat and having a big ass.

arghhh~ damn angry at that stupid idiot farking lady.

FUCK OFF.

seriously.

sushi king

2010-04-13T07:36:00.000-07:00

finally!

i ate you.

muahahaha (evil laugh).

sorry being so evil. LOL

so happy.

it is the time again.

sushi king have their members' day.

so nice to eat with you.

i am surprise that you will come and ask me go along to eat.

i told you last night that i wanna eat and today you asked me to eat.

thanks. ^^

my dear, don't play with me like that. please?

2010-04-12T10:10:00.001-07:00

what the hell, where i put it.

just now it was there.

few hours later, it was gone.

where the hell it went to.

please come out.

i beg u.

don't play hide and seek.

my dear crystal bracelet.

T_T

i will really cry.

i need u for my upcoming exam.

don't leave daddy alone to go for war.

pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it is very important gift from other people.

T_T

fun to read

2010-04-10T10:37:00.000-07:00

think bout it, i do have a lot of negative things.

think bout it, i am such a stupid person.

think bout it, i am nothing but troublesome.

think bout it, i am always make others to suffer.

think bout it, i always try to be strong to what i think but i can't at the end of it.

think bout it, i am nothing.

think bout it, why do i bother bout myself.

why do i need to pretend myself with a smile when i am really sad?

why do i really wanna be actor in front of the crowds.

who can i show real self to?

who can understand me?

i found you.

you.

think bout it, you are the person who i really search for.

think bout it, you are the person that i really need of.

think bout it, i don't really care bout others when i am with you.

think bout it, i really just want you.

think bout it, i don't want to think bout other things when i am with you.

think bout it, i can be myself even though not 100% but at least 80% of real self.

think bout it, i am me when i am with you.

=)

2010-04-06T07:09:00.000-07:00

really can't help myself into falling in love to buy books.

lately being addicted to books.

not textbook by the way. (yeah??) trying to copy miss winnee. LOL

i am doom if she know that.

anyway, bought myself 2 books today.

first book is written by cecelia ahern : p.s. i love you and the second book is written by trudi canavan : prietess of the white.

as i started myself to read p.s. i love you, the very first chapter already had the impact on me so deep.

the grief of losing love one is hardly can bear by anyone.

to me, this book make me to think if one day, if i am gone with the wind and bury into the solid ground, does anyone will be grieving for me?

will there anyone to cry for me?

will there anyone to miss me?

will there anyone to think of me?

well, i am hoping there will.

love~

2010-04-05T10:19:00.000-07:00

to me, you are everything.

without you is like trying to breath without air, to live life without food and water, to have fun without knowing what is fun.

I LOVE YOU

i don't want to leave you.

i am afraid you will leave me too.

is not that i am not trust you, is me.

i don't have trust to myself.

in my mind, you are the only thing that i keep thinking through the day and night.

i really treasure you.

i done a lot things that bad.

i know.

i really know.

i am regretting that i was hurting you last time.

please give me another chance.

i know it is not easy to trust me.

i really love you.

i just want you to be with me forever.

though i know i am difficult to be with.

i know i am such a troublesome person.

thanks for treating me so good.

i really hope it will be forever.

i don't want to lose you.

i just wanna hug you forever.

messy life

2010-03-25T20:28:00.000-07:00

feel so tired.

i am not sure why i am so tired.

all i know i am tired with surrounding.

just feel like i wanna take a big breathe and exhale it out.

but i know it is not that simple.

why?

why am i feel like that?

can i just stop everything a while?

i could though.

i told myself i can.

but something pulling me not to.

i don't wanna stop myself.

as i know everything happened can make me better man.

i feel like i wanna go for travel.

my friend told me she went for taiwan for backpacking.

rn5000 per person for two weeks.

at that moment, my heart are attracted to it.

i felt like i wanna go.

don't wanna think bout anything.

but back to reality, i don't have the cash.

i wanna go somewhere beach.

i wanna let it everything out.

sigh~

ZzZ

2010-03-17T00:33:00.000-07:00

really don't like the feeling of being alone.

but tonight might have to tolerate it again.

will facing with four walls.

only me and the walls in the house.

suddenly thought of a song name unwell.

it goes with "all day staring the ceiling,making friends with my shadows on my wall".

crazy jor me... LOL

don't want to think.

head for lunch.

very hungry.

did not eat for dinner, breakfast.

LOLx

p/s 3.33pm now