my dear, don't play with me like that. please?

what the hell, where i put it.

just now it was there.

few hours later, it was gone.

where the hell it went to.

please come out.

i beg u.

don't play hide and seek.

my dear crystal bracelet.

T_T

i will really cry.

i need u for my upcoming exam.

don't leave daddy alone to go for war.

pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it is very important gift from other people.

T_T

fun to read

think bout it, i do have a lot of negative things.

think bout it, i am such a stupid person.

think bout it, i am nothing but troublesome.

think bout it, i am always make others to suffer.

think bout it, i always try to be strong to what i think but i can't at the end of it.

think bout it, i am nothing.

think bout it, why do i bother bout myself.

why do i need to pretend myself with a smile when i am really sad?

why do i really wanna be actor in front of the crowds.

who can i show real self to?

who can understand me?

i found you.

you.

think bout it, you are the person who i really search for.

think bout it, you are the person that i really need of.

think bout it, i don't really care bout others when i am with you.

think bout it, i really just want you.

think bout it, i don't want to think bout other things when i am with you.

think bout it, i can be myself even though not 100% but at least 80% of real self.

think bout it, i am me when i am with you.

=)

really can't help myself into falling in love to buy books.

lately being addicted to books.

not textbook by the way. (yeah??) trying to copy miss winnee. LOL

i am doom if she know that.

anyway, bought myself 2 books today.

first book is written by cecelia ahern : p.s. i love you and the second book is written by trudi canavan : prietess of the white.

as i started myself to read p.s. i love you, the very first chapter already had the impact on me so deep.

the grief of losing love one is hardly can bear by anyone.

to me, this book make me to think if one day, if i am gone with the wind and bury into the solid ground, does anyone will be grieving for me?

will there anyone to cry for me?

will there anyone to miss me?

will there anyone to think of me?

well, i am hoping there will.

love~

to me, you are everything.

without you is like trying to breath without air, to live life without food and water, to have fun without knowing what is fun.

I LOVE YOU

i don't want to leave you.

i am afraid you will leave me too.

is not that i am not trust you, is me.

i don't have trust to myself.

in my mind, you are the only thing that i keep thinking through the day and night.

i really treasure you.

i done a lot things that bad.

i know.

i really know.

i am regretting that i was hurting you last time.

please give me another chance.

i know it is not easy to trust me.

i really love you.

i just want you to be with me forever.

though i know i am difficult to be with.

i know i am such a troublesome person.

thanks for treating me so good.

i really hope it will be forever.

i don't want to lose you.

i just wanna hug you forever.

messy life

feel so tired.

i am not sure why i am so tired.

all i know i am tired with surrounding.

just feel like i wanna take a big breathe and exhale it out.

but i know it is not that simple.

why?

why am i feel like that?

can i just stop everything a while?

i could though.

i told myself i can.

but something pulling me not to.

i don't wanna stop myself.

as i know everything happened can make me better man.

i feel like i wanna go for travel.

my friend told me she went for taiwan for backpacking.

rn5000 per person for two weeks.

at that moment, my heart are attracted to it.

i felt like i wanna go.

don't wanna think bout anything.

but back to reality, i don't have the cash.

i wanna go somewhere beach.

i wanna let it everything out.

sigh~

ZzZ

really don't like the feeling of being alone.

but tonight might have to tolerate it again.

will facing with four walls.

only me and the walls in the house.

suddenly thought of a song name unwell.

it goes with "all day staring the ceiling,making friends with my shadows on my wall".

crazy jor me... LOL

don't want to think.

head for lunch.

very hungry.

did not eat for dinner, breakfast.

LOLx

p/s 3.33pm now

dreams are so nice to dream about.

so nice, the feeling is like being in cloud nine.

but when you woke up, you will back to the reality.

the cruelness, heartless, evil world that want to make your heart to bleed.

it is not whether you wanted it, but it is the world who want it.

you do not have the power to choose nor to hide.

all you can do is just accept it.

you asked to be abandon when you had the courage to do so, but the world seems like wanna play with you.

trying to hold on with you.

by asking them to abandon you, you needed a quite courage to do so.

coz deep down in your heart, you don't want they to abandon you.

but you know that it has to be like that.

coz the world really can't let you to have it.

what is that mean to you?

pain?

hurt?

care?

stupid?

foolish?

naive?

or grateful?

you never really will know what their intention.

or do you know?

just that you do not wanted to accept the truth?

maybe you should be grateful because they gave you the moments that you will not able to search in the rest your life.

but should you?

is that really so?

maybe.

no one can answer that.

you can't, me can't, and others certainly can't too.

think bout the other person's perception.

maybe you can find another relieve and you might not take it as hard as that.

but i guess we can't.

coz the we are too in pain.

our pain blind us.

sorry to say that but it is true.

what we can do bout it?

pretend to be nothing happen?

can we?

things happened and when they happened, you can't really take it as nothing happened.

coz there is a needle in your heart.

you wished to have someone now to hug you?

but there is no one will be there.

hurt?

get used too it.

life is like that.

there is a theory said that we born to be alone, we lived alone, and we die as lone wolf.

can we accept that fact?

i can't.

honestly, i can't.

i wish to have you now.

miss you.