feeling #1

older chinese generations always said that " force to be together are not happy".

i guess this phrase are damn rite.

there are a lot things we cannot force to be together.

when two person are not similar to each other, no matter how strong is the love is, both of them, still will have a lot of arguments.

there are some part of me said, "let go of it", "don't force yourself", "let yourself to have another try with others".

but, it is not easy.

as feelings are involved.

when u grew urself into the relationship, love, hate, time, happy, sad, angry, satisfied, are the factors to make me to think twice of letting go.

it is not easy as we all said, let go lo...

but, as we think more deeper, we knew that love is there.

yes, there are moments we are very sad, angry, wish to break, but there are moments we felt the happiness, the sweetness, the feeling of being cared by someone.

sometimes, it is not that easy as we said.

but, as i think more deeper, and as my feeling more calm, i felt that i cannot live without YOU.

in somewhere in my heart, i wish that u felt the same too.

i wanted to know what is ur true feeling, what are u thinking, what do u really want.

i always guess what u want.

but, i always wrong.

and i don't want to be wrong as i wanted us to be more closer.

coz if i know more about u, and i know more bout what u like and not, maybe our relationship can be more better.

however, i guess to understand a person is not easy.

coz even to understand myself what i want, i also sometimes confused.

no tittle 1

today, as i came back from klcc, the sky was so dark as it's wanted to cry.

that time, my feeling was also kinda emo.

in my heart, i kept asking god, "are you sympathy me?", "are you crying because you know i wanted to cry?"

as i came down from the bus, the sky was getting darker and the rain as it knew my feeling, getting heavier.

i waited at the bus stop to wait for the rain to subside.

however, the rain was getting heavier.

as i stood at a corner of the bus stop, the rain was drip on my shirt.

so, i move to another side, but the rain like playing with me.

it just can't let me stand at one side.

it kept drip to my shirt.

at that moment, i felt like i am so shit in relationship, now even the rain wanna play on me.

???

what is meaning of being couple?

my definition of couple is two person belong together, tied together, both of them are similar to each other.

but how we want to be similar together if we could not spend time together?

how do we expect to understand each other?

though time can help us to understand each other as if we know each other longer, but if we do not do any action to make close to each other, how do we expect to be together and understand each other?

less spend time together, how do a relationship to be sustain? then, is there any love in the relationship?

isn't love suppose to be sweet?

then why there are so many fights and arguments?

is it that hard to be a couple?

i understand that each of us have different priority, but i always thought that if there is love, we can tied all things into one knot.

but why we have fights and arguments?

does time can really affect a couple which they are loving each other, but it just that time are not suitable?

i never thought that to understand a person is that difficult.

no title

last week, exam period. i spent a lot  of my times revision with tracy and we chatted a lot things. mostly, we chatted on relationship. from the conversation, i learned a lot things. it's seem to me that, we never knew what the other person's feeling and thoughts.

i learned a lot things through the conversation. i guess the communication can make the whole relationship to be different. friends, lover, family? everyday i realised that i don't understand what the other people wants. is it me don't understand u all, or u all don't understand me?

i wanted to do things with them, but they always forgotten, and they do with others people. sometimes, i am unhappy but i don't want to tell. there are reason for me to not tell.  firstly, it is not easy for me to tell. secondly, u said it is ok to let me know, but when after i tell u, u will said a lot of things like " u think too much ", or maybe i hurt ur feeling and the relationship can't be save. sometimes, it is not that i don't want to tell, it just that i think of the relationship if i tell. coz we all are human too. when someone critics us, we will tend to remember the critics and the relationship will have some gap. though, u will keep saying there is nothing between us, but i am not blind. i can see there are a gap between us.

i felt that i always tried to comfort others' emotions. but what bout mine? there are a lot things that i wanted to tell, but it is not easy. i wanted to tell but i don't want to hurt other's feeling. as word can hurt other people like a thousand needles poke into our heart.

that day, i told tracy to clear cut with everything. and i told myself that i have to clear cut too. talking is easy

 but doing is not that easy. i wanted to clear cut with everything. clear cut is to free myself. though i know clear cut can make me happier (which i think so), i guess somewhere in my heart i don't want to have clear cut. i am still clinging to this relationship.

i always thought that love can bring two together, but it seem that, there are a lot factors controlling a couple to be together. i always thought that not similar couple will be together easily and happily. but i guess was wrong. but i also found out that even similar couple also tend to difficult to be together.

(similar = characteristics, favourites, maturity, thoughts)

i really don't like people break promise at me. coz i think if u really promise to me, then do it. if not then don't promise. i asked to and u said yes, it is promise but u did not do it. what am i? maybe i am stupid for putting high expectation into any form of relationship. maybe i better with alone.

things that happened for 1 weeks

finally, all my assignments was settled...

last week was like a hell...

all the assignments, presentation came together...

busy till no time to write my blog... LOLx

so now i just briefly write what was happened last week till now...

kakaka

before that, i was went to celebrate ppg's birthday...

she was 21st lo this year... so fast time passed by...

i know her since form 1 in smkkj... LOLx

we celebrated her bday in decanter in damansara height...

here, i want to apologise to everyone coz i was late that day...

sorry... i do not intended to late...

sorry guys...

anyway, we were all having our happy time since all of us do not meet up since form5... LOLx

the nite before we all celebrate ppg's birthday, ks, watt, oh, mc, joey, tz, and me was making a video for ppg..

and all of us was hoping that she will cry... akaka

anyway the videos are in facebook... just go to my profile and have look yea... kaka

ermm now i just upload few of the photos la... kakaka

ppg, wish u again an happy birthday...
hope that day u have fun..
and also hope all the luck will be with u...



next event: colloquium 2009 in HELP University and College
this is my first time to present in colloquium... though i presented before in a bunch of ppl in HELP
however, this feeling is different...
maybe this time got the tutor there and asked us questions....
i dont know... this is not an easy presentation for us...
the feeling like nervous, anxious, mix up feeling
however, it is very fun to attend the colloquium...
after finished the whole presentation, most of us took the photos...
by the way, i would like to congratz to jasmine's group for winning dunno what award... LOLx
anyway, here are some of the photos...

i love this pet... chin guan's pet... very cute

everytime i went to chin guan's house, this pet will do this pose for us...

shum love this pet...

LOLx

cute le... XD

monday,  23/11/09

ex DCLs class mates asked me to go back to TARC to help them...

they were organizing some event for health psychology...

and they wanted me to help them...

i went back to help them since it is opportunity to get closed with them since i were left the school so long...

i always wanted to go back since after i graduated there...

this is my opportunities...

lee miao miao, soon li, leo, wing soon also were there...

they all went back to help them...

thanks to mei yan too...

for coming to support my friend's activity...

thanks yea

by the way, i just realised that dr mustapha was miss eva's ex lecturer in ukm... so happy...

hehehe

and i met my ex lecturer in tarc... mr bala, miss caren, miss eva, miss kartika... LOLx

all seem to be healthy... and i hope they all be fine...

XD

 

though that day was not have much chit chat with all my friends, it is still a good event for us to hang out...

hope we all can do this again...

or even we all can just come out and meet up... and have some conversations...

miss my old tarc life...

GELI

this is called life? whole week full of assignments' due date. oh~ so torturing...
today, wanna talk bout the something happened in LRT.
hate that malay guy. but i wanna clarify that i am not racist...
all i can said is GELI~
as usual, i went to HELP at morning...
however, i was late today...
so i got to stuck in queueing up with a lot of people in the LRT at 8.30am and when the train came, the train was packed too...
no choice, i got to get myself into that train as i was late for my group discussion...
when i hooked onto the train, i was standing at the train's door... beside the besi tiang whereby the most nicest place to stand with...
the malay guy who stood there, and at first i thought it is ok la... coz i am such an innocent kid.. kaka
anyway back to the story, the LRT were so packed with all the people, the feeling like became a sardine fish in the sardine can...
then, the LRT kept brake and i dunno why...
here is the most interesting part and GELI part...
the malay guy kept using his leg to touch me...
ohh my god... think also geli..
at my mind, i kept hoping faster reached to my station...
besides that, he also hor, kept moving here and there though like wanna touch me...
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sien... LOLx
end of my story... just wana release the stress coz assignment... kakaka

Ryan Cabrera - Photos

Ryan Cabrera - Photo

A photo can say a thousand things
But it can't say the million things I wanna say
A photo can capture the way we were
But it can't capture the way we are
'Cause you're far away
What it's like to know you
What it's like to touch you

When you told me that you loved me
were those just words
You can't tell me you don't need me
and I know that hurts
'Cause I'm looking at your picture
'Cause it's all I've got
Maybe one day
You and me will have one more shot

Timing lost minutes and moments
And I might be lonely girl
But I'm not afraid
In a second
It all comes right back to me
Nothing's forgotten now
Yeah everything's saved
What it's like to touch you
What it's like to know you

When you told me that you loved me
were those just words
You can't tell me you don't need me
and I know that hurts
'Cause I'm looking at your picture
'Cause it's all I've got
Maybe one day
You and me will have one more shot

You were my life
you were my faith
You gave me hope every day

When you told me that you loved me
were those just words
You can't tell me you don't need me
and I know that hurts
'Cause I'm looking at your picture
'Cause it's all I've got
Maybe one day

You and me will have one more shot

emo

lately being thinking too much again...
before that, i knew i am always been think of negative things
until that day i did the test of personality test, the result showed i am always worry...
as i reflect to myself, i realised i am worry too much which leads to i will think of negative things...
sometimes, i really do not know how long i can stand of this...
sometimes, i do think of suicide...
however, i do object of doing suicide, i do hate of people who using death to escape the problem...
yet, my physical and mentally could not take it...

next week tuesday, i will go for my first session of counseling...
though i am not sure whether it is right thing for me to do or not though i am a future psychologist...
maybe i am used to close my heart to myself and now i had to share with someone..
i might afraid he/she will laugh at me...
there are a lot of people told me not too think too much, i am also hoping i could do that
but, the thoughts are like automatic comes into my mind...

today, i wrote this post, actually it is crossing the line i set up for myself way back then...
i do hope the counseling session could help me...

untitled

Taylor Swift - Cold As You

You have a way of coming easily to me.
And when you take, you take the very best of me.
So I start a fight 'cause I need to feel somethin'
And you do what you want 'cause I'm not what you wanted.

(CHORUS)
Oh, what a shame.
What a rainy ending given to a perfect day.
Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say.
And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you.

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray.
And I stood there lovin' you and WISHED them all away.
And you come away with a great little story of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you.

(CHORUS)
Oh, what a shame.
What a rainy ending given to a perfect day.
So just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say.
And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you.

You never did give a damn thing, honey.
But I cried, cried for you.
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you.
(Died for you)

Oh, what a shame.
What a rainy ending give to a perfect day. Every smile you fake is so condescending.
Counted all the scars you made.
Now that I'm sittin here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you.

moody jor~

21st birthday party for YUII

time : 9.15pm

date :23/10/09

place: tree house bistro and cocobanana

LOLx... today, we all celebrated our group a.k.a so hai group leader, mei yan jie a.k.a Yuii's 21st birthday... at first we all went to tree house bistro to eat our dinner... at there, we all also do the cut cake celebration... the cake 's flavor was her favorite... which is the blueberry... hahaha

someone complaint me that i wrote too much, so this time i would not write a lot instead i will upload photos... XD

 

 WANTED: RM 1, 000, 000

 our so hai group's leader

 

Yuii with her bf (Leong Wai)

so happy and sweet hor

  

Assistant Leader 1: Emily jie

  

Assistant Leader 2: Pauline jie

  

members: Ah Fong 

  

  

 members: Bee Teen

 

yuii, leong wai and leong wai's heng tai 

 

foods... yummyZzzzz

  

  

nothing to do after finished our dinner... LOLx

  

me with yuii 

  

nice??? =D

ohh ~ so childish cake rite? ahaha

 

the cake is on fire... call fire fighter... LOLx

 

after having our fine dinner in treehouse bistro, our next stop is in coco banana.. haha

each of us have to pay rm 75 and total of us are 8...

at coco banana, there is an interesting thing happened on me...

while i was having my fin there with my friends, one of the guy tapped on my shoulder and asked me to drink the red wine... LOL

then, i noticed that he was with his girlfriend too..   

she think that the muffin cake got bomb...