i never like this feeling

hate the celebration session

i don't like to be alone

yet u always let me being alone

i want to celebrate with you

but in the end i am alone

i don't want the darkness of the walls consume me

but i guess i had too

abstract

love

what is love?

why love can be so deep to some while some others think it is just merely a feeling?

after the case of the guy jumped off from the building because of breakup

it makes me wonder

love can be so dangerous

but why people still want to go for it?

i saw posts that scolding him or saying him stupid

but

i understand what is the guy felt at that time

when he/she really sad, he/she really couldn't sees any light in front of him/her

i am not trying to say what is right nor what is wrong

psychology taught me a lot things

one of it is to empathize others

 i do think that what he did is stupid

but in his perspective, he just couldn't think right at that moment

sometimes people just do things that unexpectedly

why would he do it?

maybe he really loves the gal, or maybe he really too sad, or maybe other factors

but, we never know the answer coz he is not here to tell us

when people asked me about opinion in this matter

i am not agreeing on what has he done nor not really think that should blame him for his stupidity

when you love someone, you just hoping that you can be with him/her forever

wanting to spend every moments with him/her

wanting to have future with him/her

someone told me that i will do that (suicide) too if i have the same outcome like that guy 

will i?

it is funny to look at my thoughts

i mean answering back the question

long long time ago (i am not that old, just wanna prescribe how long it was only), suicide are stupid and selfish act

then, long time ago (which past these few years), suicide is not something bad

and now i am not thinking bout suicide coz i don't think life should be ended that way

and i promised that i won't do that

maybe a little bit of self hurting

maybe i will just hurt myself by drinking alcohol or might go crazy for months or years

but i guess (i hope) i will stand up from it

in a relationship

i think the most important factor is that communication

don't hold anything to yourself

just talk to him/her

everything can be worked it out =)

i wanted to share something bout myself

however

i never able to share because i always felt that i shouldn't share coz it is not appropriate to share out

and also it is being a long long time since i didn't tell anyone bout things, it is not easy for me to start

i wanted to say that i am those type of persons that depend on others

when i love someone

i depend on that person

i can't take it when promise didn't fulfill, i am easily jealous, i can lock that person in a cage like a bird without its wing, i can be moody

p.s: just share for fun... =)

:x: boy factor :x:

looking at four walls in the house

its make me think a lot

a lot of negative things

sometimes, i could be that cheerful boy

sometimes, i could be very very emo boy

these few days

went back to my secondary school nearby restaurant

i remember

i always spent my times there during my secondary school

my friends and i were always went there for lunch

there is an uncle who always called me boy

today

that uncle called me boy again

haha

it felt so nice and young

ok ok

i admit i am not young anymore

but it's fun to hear that someone called us boy or girl

emo

i don't like this feeling

feeling of being alone

i being alone since forever

i can't really remember since when i felt this way

i just don't like being alone

i hate that theory that i learned during i was in diploma

the theory said

everyone is born to be alone in this world

even you found your another half, you still alone in most of the things that you need to do

no matter how i dislike this theory

but deep down in my heart, i know it is true

everyone is alone

these few days, this feeling is so strong that i couldn't think right

my mood is ups and downs

in the noon, i could be jolly as i could be

during midnight, i became sort a like depression patient

my mood is becoming bipolar

my mind is in the state of agony

negative thoughts kept attacking my mind

felt like my head was about to explode

i guess what i want is that a simple care

simple hug

i just want to assure myself that i am worth to be in this world

i want to assure myself that my existence is important to you

i know i need a lot of reassurances

and i know it is annoy to keep reassure

please bear with me

i just need you to be with me

dream

i dreamed bout us

in the dream

we were not happy

we were arguing

we were bout to break up

i cried

i felt i lost the direction

direction in anything

don't know what to do

don't know where to go

all i know was i got to find you

in the dream

i was wandering around

my mind was going to explode

my mind couldn't think well

all i know i wanted to talk to you

in the dream

it was dark

i can't see anything

i saw some people

however

something in my heart told me that they are bad

still

i just ignored them and i walked passed by them

what in my mind was i just wanted to look for you

i don't want to be alone

i cried

i woke up

the dream was so intense

the dream was so vivid

the dream was so real that i felt that way in reality

i know i am very selfish

i know i wanted to lock you up like a bird in a cage

you wanted to fly but i blocked your freedom

i tried my hardest to let you fly

but i failed

i failed so hard that things didn't turn well

things get very ugly

you told me nothing to be worry bout

but deep down in my heart i know something is wrong

something is not right

something that wanted to tell me that maybe you might not love me like use to be

i am trying my hardest to push the thoughts away

i am convincing myself that you are love me

but why my mind kept thinks negatively?

maybe i grew attached to you

maybe i just can't accept if we were no longer together

maybe i couldn't stand by my own feet

maybe i am use to be with you

yet why would i thinking all those?

you are still here with me

you are still belong to me

you are still telling me that you are mine

you still telling me that you love me

you still telling me that your heart was caught by me and it is not easy to get it back

why am i so stupid?

why am i want to think all those things that aren't happen?

one thing for sure i know is that

i love you more than anything

i can give up my own life for you

you are more than anything

you will get the first place in my heart

i love you

i am useless!

23/11/2010

suddenly

thought of that night

you told me

i "caught" your heart

my heart melt

you held me

you hugged me

we kissed

your lips

your body's temperature

everything was perfectly

the moment still running vividly in my mind

i know

we will have more moments together

i won't angry nor jealous for some stupid small things

i know i got to control my emotions

thanks for tolerate

i know it is not easy for you to tolerate someone likes me

but you did it

3 words

i love you

screw me

hate myself

for being an useless guy

erb really rejected again due to the permission to use the questionnaire was not there

maybe i didn't really "jaga" your feeling that time

maybe my tone was a bit high

sorry

i also don't know bout that permission too

if i know bout it

i won't let it happen too

lost marks in erb

i can't blame anyone for anything

5% erb marks

i know i can't really complain nor blame others

coz i know i got fault which i did not check

4% marks in 308 quizzes gone~

just blaming myself for not at that class

sorry to those who i offended and sorry because make u guys to perceive that i am blaming

sorry

everyday in HELP

i don't feel like wanna go for classes

don't feel like wanna study

just feel like wanna stop

stop for a year, stop forever

i just feel that right now

:)

爱你

没有理由

如果

你要我选

要还是不要和你在一起

我会选择和你在一起

 

因为你给我的爱和你的心

是足够让我爱你一千年

你的爱很温软

谢谢

p/s: i am hoping this time i am right. no more spelling mistake... haha XD

感受

我真的很喜欢你

爱你不是因为，你很好看还是你聪明

可是我爱你是因为你是你。

没有其它原因。

没有人可以更换你

是你在我的心，你而已。

 爱你就想保护你，

sayang 你，

关心你，

想伱。

你为我而边

我看到的

谢谢你

我爱你

p/s: sorry if i wrote some wrong chinese characters.

u are my everything :)

really had a great day with u

03/10/2010

 the cookies i baked for u

it is not that really delicious

but still u like it

i really happy to hear that

i love u told me that i steal ur heart away and it will not be easy to get it back from me

i really happy even though i don't show to u

coz i don't wanna lose my "cool"

but i know i never have any cool in front of u

i always embarrassed myself in front of u

and we laughed bout it

"yu yun" (yu yuen = launguage)

u always laughed me because i pronounced wrongly

but i enjoy being laugh by u

my heart was stolen by u long long time ago

and u know it

3/10/2010

this day

i will never forget

a day that i treasure a lot

 <3

i miss ur smell

the fragrance that always lingered to me when i am with u

i miss ur lips

we kissed each other in a way that the whole world is belong to us

i miss ur touch

the way u touch me is pampering me, is to care me, is to love me

i miss ur voice

always sound jolly, the way u called me, the way we talked to each other

i miss ur hug

hugging u gave me warmth, hugging u make me feels like the world is full of love

i always wonder myself

why are the time pass by so quickly when i am with u?

why are the time pass by so slow when i am not with u?

sometimes i really felt that i am so powerful that i can make the time to stop whenever i am with u

but i know i can't

now

i understand what do u meant when u told me that the most important when being together is spending quality times together instead of quantity times

but i am greedy

*haha*

i want quantity and quality

thankiew for loving me and accepting me

<3

sick 13/09/10

i am sick since thursday midnight

fever were here and there

temperature were up and down

i was cold and hot

the most painful part is my throat

swallowing my own saliva is very pain

can't talk, can't drink, can't eat

friday midnight

u came to me and u took care of me

u gave me medicine to eat

u asked me to rest more

due to that

the temperature was able to control

i do not have any fever

i remember the way u hug me

the way u care bout me

the way u remind me to take medicine.

just want to say thank u for take care me

i always cause u trouble

thanks for loving me

thanks for take care me

thanks for being here when i really needed u

untitled~

why?

i trust u, why my mind think bout the other way?

if i don't think, i won't hurt u and me

but why?

why could i ever ever do that?
i really do love you
every time think bout those arguments,
feel pain
feel angry to myself
why would i wanna be like that
i really do love u
i really never mean to hurt u
"my heart is stolen by u"
u said this to me
i felt so happy every times i heard it
i will jia you to not let myself to be hurting u again
sorry

hunger!

i am hungry!

LOL

i being hungry since 8pm

but i really do not wanna go for dinner alone

really hate the feeling eating dinner alone

at 11pm

i wrote that i am hungry in Facebook

now is about to 12 am

yet i am still here writing blog

someone suggest me that i can do another famine

LOL

but i don't want

coz i am really hungry now

i guess i wanna reward myself

i wanna go eat McD

order sundae ice cream

eat apple pie

with a fillet o fish burger

plus with a nice chill coke

while suffocate myself with french fries.

LOL

think about it

i am like trying to kill myself

haha

but i don't care

i am super duper hungry now

XD

p/s: i don't care bout fat for tonight.... XD

30 hour famine

30 hour famine

hmm

at first i was nervous

i mean well who does not nervous

this is my first time joining and i choose to be a group leader.

as the day approached to the camp

i was getting nervous

i never thought i will be hoping the day will not come

anyway the day still came

LOL

i remember the night before the camp, i went to watch inception at sunway pyramid with mystery person. LOL

anyway, back to the famine

i woke up at 5.15am to get ready for the camp

waited for jie ying to pick me up since there will be no way for me to go to HELP so damn early

we reached to HELP at 6.30am and i thought wah so scare le me suddenly... LOL

and it's get worst

my stupid freaking idiot bag's zip spoiled

it's freaked me out

so bad luck huh~

LOL

but at the end, i bought the stupid jarum to lock my bag...

during the famine camp, i learned a lot things and i befriend with a lot of friends.

actually during the whole camp

i was not hungry at all

and i wasn't drink a lot of water.

but i started to feel hungry is when during the bukit jalil whereby the volunteers had started to give us the bread and soy drink.

for the first time, i can say that vsoy and rm0.70 bread taste so nice... LOL

in bukit jalil, i saw nicholas zhang, fish leong, z-chen, and others

wah so damn happy

 after the whole 30 hour famine

now, everyone are making friends with each other and spamming at each other in facebook

it's feel so whole (if u know what i mean)

haha

i will join again next year ^^v

21st presents

it's been a while i did not post anything to my blog

actually there are a lot things i would like to share

just do not know where to start on.

i guess i start with my birthday celebration ^^

this year birthday~

hmmm

nothing special i guess

as usual

bee teen will try to surprise me with a surprise birthday cake but this year she unsuccessful to do so since i was a bit in hurry

anyway

she did her great job.

present

oh yea, i do received a lot of presents from my friends and family and someone special.

haha

presents list:

1. a shirt

2. a photo

3. photo with home made frame

4. perfume

5. key

6. sushi

7. italy food, sushi, and white gold key

8. cakes (cheese cake, tiramisu cake, and cashew cake)

9. thailand foods

10. ice cream and hagan daazs ice cream

11. angpau from sister and daddy

12. daddy gave me the watch but it was last year... LOL

the most memorable present is the white gold key from someone

haha

anyway

i treasure the white gold key is not because of the value

yet it is because it is from u

and the time i spend with u makes everything to be more memorable.

3/10/2009

i know i always think on negative things

i am really sorry

i try to change myself

i really love u

u give me a lot a lot of good memories

the most scary thing that i always think of is that u will leave

leave becoz i am nothing good

T^T

i don't wanna lose u

what is this feeling?

why so sad when i think of u will leave me?

why it can hurt me?

why it can cut my hurt like a knife cut on my hand while splashing lemon or salt into the wound?

u always appear in my brain

am i going crazy?

why i can see everything is bout u?

why i always think of u?

why i really care bout everything that u do or u say?

why should i really be jealous of people around u?

what i really should do?

i am going crazy

T^T

i

who am i?

who really need security feeling.

i need someone who can love me.

i mean by action and by feeling, that person must able to show it.

i know i am greedy.

i know i am selfish.

i know am childish.

i also know that i am demanding.

u did a wonderful job.

i know it is not easy for u.

there are a lot problems with me.

1. i am fear of separation.

2. i am demanding.

3. i have bipolar, can be happy now and next thing i can be unhappy.

4. i am really really really think a lot of negative things and this really affect others.

5. i don't listen to u.

6. i love to to be with u, never enough for me to see u, hear u, and touch u.

7. i do not know how to care for u.

8. maybe i am having trust issue.

9. last but not least, i always hurt u which i am regretting to do it.

U

u

u know who am i referring to.

only u is all i ever wanted.

there are a lot of memories with u.

u gave the new meaning to my life.

ur kindness, patience, caring, love, trust and a lot more.

if can, i really wish to pick the star from the sky just for u.

i am nothing.

nothing good on me yet u still love me.

thanks

angel

when i am small

i wish to have an angel to protect me

right now

i found my angel

i realised how important u can be to me

without u

life could be so pointless

in my mind

u are the one to me

arguments, fights

all these almost break us

yet

u and i tried our best to hold it

and we always get through it

i do not want fights, arguments

it is my thought

it is automatic to think that way

i tried to ignore it

i tried to focus other things when i am thinking bout it

for the first few times

it works

i just got to make it work again

i am trying

now

i am free from those

as i am understand u more

while u also understand me more 

there might be times that we will argue

but it just a process

i guess we can look at it and say well without it, we are kinda boring

thanks

for being there to support me and giving me the times to change

T_T

sorry~

i never meant to act that way

i promised that i won't do, yet i done it

i know my words can't be trusted anymore

i already doing my best

why i am still like that?

i try not to think negatively

i tried~

T_T

i tried to hold my tears

why the tears flow by itself?

i don't want to cry

why?

why am i crying?

all because i failed my promises

my words can't be trusted

i can't blame u

coz i made it

i i i

i just want everything to be the old times.

T_T

catching thumb

whoever can thought that a simple game could be that fun?

simple game but sweet memory.

catching thumb is a childhood game.

it is not something that grand but it is something that could make u think of ur favourite person to play with.

all these while i am really a stupid person for not being appreciate u.

in the car, while playing catching thumb

it felt great.

i understand it now.

a relationship should have qualitative times instead of quantitative times.

i will slowly be matured.

wait for me.

i will not be ignorance anymore.

i won't make myself to do regrettable decisions or behaviours.

won't not try to hurt u.

hurting u is the last thing that i wanna do.

cheers~

new experience on photo shooting~ 5/6/2010

5th June 2010

this date marks for the first time

i went for photo shooting.

place: taman bukit jalil.

the place is such a beautiful place.

got turtles, oh my god...

different sizes.

thanks albert (the photographer) for taking photos.

this session taught me a lot things.

i realized i am not that good in posing in front of camera.

as the albert helped me to take photos

my arms, legs, body pose, even my face expressions looked silly to me.

LOL

there is another silly thing that i done.

i thought this session is involve with salary (luckily it didn't)

i told everyone that it is from the modeling agency.

actually is not.

sorry guys for my mistake.

LOL

however

this albert guy is from this so call 1news forum.

and he helped me took the photos is for me to upload to that forum for a contest (i think so).

i will ask him more details.

LOL

albert told me that he will send me all the photos that he took

and i have to select top 15 photos.

let him know so that i am not sure for what.

LOL

anyway

the photos i will upload later.

coz i haven't receive the photos yet.

i think i won't upload at here coz i will upload on facebook.

rf rf

p/s: don't laugh when viewing my photos, early warning to u guys...

: D

kenny is signing off.

ciaozZz~

ipoh's experiences

wohooo~

i seriously in love with ipoh de.

haha

actually,

what so interesting in ipoh?

hmmm~

to me,

another plain city.

but,

what make it interesting is that you accompany me to go to.

hahaha

rush yet fun.

haha

anyway,

this is my first time try to go other state by taking a train.

oh yea~

wu hoo~

ktm.

the feeling kinda like back to the old times.

i thought that by traveling through train, we will be more slow.

indeed,

i am wrong.

the train was kinda fast.

hmmm~

LOL

the main point is not here.

at ipoh,

what we done was:

1. consulted with a "witch doctor" LOL -.-|||

2. ate "rang liao" (yong tau fu). LOL

3. ate tau fu fah. (holly cow, this tau fu fah, must try peeps. it is not the same as in kl. this one, you can choose to take away, however the system works like McD. you got to queue up along with other cars. one by one, the car approach to the stall and place the order to the worker. worker bring out the tau fu fah and you eat it in the car and give back to the worker and along with the money too.)

4. visit cave. LOL (kek lok shi, something like that. correct me if i am wrong. hehe paiseh)

5. ohh yea i got to know the ipoh better (well, i mean the road's names. i mean like kun choi kai {coffin street}, strawberry park, tim bang kai {desserts street}.

however, the rain followed us from kl to ipoh.

i mean when we reach ipoh

ipoh started to rain and when we about to leave

the rain stopped.

however,

along the way we back to kl,

the rain was non stopped.

LOL

until we reached kepong sentral,

yes the rain still did not stopped.

LOL

we really brought rain (shui = money) to ipoh.

-.-|||

...

all these while

i don't know how to appreciate you.

i make a lot of mistakes that i wish i could return to the past and change.

now

those actions hunts me.

i am sorry.

but i know it is useless to apologise.

coz what i had done is done.

nothing can change.

though

u still forgiving me

i can't forgive myself to hurt u.

why i so stupid to hurt u

instead to appreciate u.

all the mistakes i done

yet u never really mad me for long period.

instead u always tried to comfort me.

thanks.

i wanna be the person that i said i would be.

u had change my entire life.

what am i now is thanks to u.

things had changed.

sorry.

meaningful lyric~

i accidentally found this song while i was browsing lady antebellum's albums.

this song gave me a strong impact.

it made me think that not everything that we wanted, we will able to get it.

LoL

i think i wrote too much.

read the lyric by yourself and you will understand what i meant.

enjoy yea

lady antebellum - all we'd ever need

Boy it's been all this time
And I can't get you off my mind
And nobody knows it but me

I stare at your photograph
Still sleep in the shirt you left
And nobody knows it but me

Everyday I wipe my tears away
So many nights I've prayed for you to say..

I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me

I should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
Maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need

My friends think I'm moving on
But the truth is I'm not that strong
And nobody knows it but me

I've kept all the words you've said
In a box underneath my bed
And nobody knows it but me

But if you're happy
I'll get through somehow
But the truth is
I've been screaming out..

I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me

I should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
Maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need


It was all we'd ever need
I thought it was all we'd ever need
Ohh

I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me

I should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
And maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had, mmm
Ohh that what we had
What we had
It was all we'd ever need

 

p/s: you are the only thing i need~

1 2 3

there is an old said, "one man's food another man's poison".

well, i guess it is true.

i can't really expect everyone think the same thing on me.

i just need to learn to accept everything.

a lot things i am in the process of learning.

i learn to put myself into others' perspective.

i learn to be more understandable.

maybe i am still not good at it, i trying.

i need time.

there are times that i wish that i can be more mature.

whether in relationship (i mean any type of relationships) or attitude toward studies or works.

coz i realized i am not good in handling anything.

i am still learning.

i need time.

can time really help us to mature or to forget or to cool down everything?

i learned from someone where he said that time actually can't do anything.

well, i am not sure.

coz i am still finding my very own answer to this.

when i find out this answer, i will let you know. XD

p/s: it just a simple feeling that occur to me right now and i just wanna share it out with you guys.

no offense if hurt some of you. LOL 

my dear lovely x6

T_T

handphone, X6.

i regret to upgrade ur software.

if i know this would happened.

T_T

now the handphone totally ki siao jor.

i want to read chinese or type chinese fonts.

now, even english wording also will be in square.

why?

surfing the facebook with handphone, some words also will be square.

T_T

feelings~

all this while, i really never thought that i will be that having much feeling to you.

though i always know that i do have a strong feeling on you, i never thought it was that strong till it can really shut my whole world to others.

only a call from you, my journey can become so happy.

because of you concern, i feel like i being taken care by angel.

you is just the one i need.

i love you, these three words, you said to me few times, now i am so miss it.

these three words are the energy booster to me.

i know my attitude is causing you to be very tired, i am know.

thanks for always being here with me.

back to blogs~ ^^

hell yeah~

i am back from my depression weeks.

LOL

last week i was depressed for coursework marks that i scored and the way i done my exam.

hmm~

but today i am ok jor

coz these few days, kinda good things happened to me.

^^

bought myself a X6 NOKIA cell phone.

^^

went to eat lunch with tracy, mun fang, angel, and woon ping.

nice lunch.

spend a lot of times with you.

haha

suddenly forgot bout my exams and coursework marks.

3 Oh!3 ft. Neon Hitch - Follow Me Down

3 Oh!3 ft. Neon Hitch - Follow Me Down

i am so in love with this song.

though this song is one of the alice in wonderland, i do like it.

(nothing against with this movie, sorry just that i hate clown, and johnny deep, u look like a clown to me in that movie).

LOL

Take me take me outta here it makes me
Feel so, feel so na na nana na

Baby baby here we all crazy
You don’t have to worry na na nana na

So follow me down
Out of this town
Girl you’re moving way too slow
So follow me down, I’ll show you around
There’s a place we gotta go

Follow me, follow me
Fa la-la-la-la [x2]
Fa la-la-la-la

Dancing, walking clock keeps on talking
They sing, they sing la la-la-la-la

Gentlemen and ladies, animals and babies
We sing, we sing na na na-na-na

So follow me down
Out of this town
Girl you’re moving way too slow
So follow me down, I’ll show you around
There’s a place we gotta go
[ Follow Me Down mp3 on http://musicjuzz.blogspot.com ]

Follow me, follow me
Fa la-la-la-la [x2]
Fa la-la-la-la

Follow me, follow me
Fa la-la-la-la [x2]
Fa la-la-la-la

Ahh ah oh
Ah ah ah oh
Ah ah ah oh oh

Down down down down. Oh okay
Down, down. Down down. Oh, oh

Follow me, follow me
Fa la-la-la-la [x2]
Fa la-la-la-la
Follow me, follow me
Fa la-la-la-la [x2]
Fa la-la-la-la

lost and found

yippieee yea yea yipiee~

i found back my precious

so happy yet feel so weird bout the whole situation.

LOL

last week, i went back to mum's house, she told me that i left it in her house.

but as i remembered i brought back to my home.

i got my supporter too.

my bro saw that i wore it.

so weird.

LOL

besides, my mum usually will let me know if i left anything in her house.

however this time, she did not let me know.

hmmm

just feel everything very weird.

anyway, it came back to me.

i am happy.

^^

moods

mood of today : mixture of happy and worry

i am happy due to two reasons.

first reason.

i saw people that i haven't seen for ages.

they can't recognized me.

they just walked in front of me without looking at me.

am i really change that much?

i hope i did.

coz i really don't wanna be my old self again.

i wanna be the new kenny.

i think i am succeeded in doing that.

should i be proud?

hmm~ sometimes, i still think i am the old kenny.

with the fatty look.

LOL self-condemning.

second reason.

hmmm, i am extremely happy because able to meet you.

you really able to make my day to be happy.

feel happy to be with you.

LOL

to me, you are very important person.

^^V

while i am worry due to two reasons.

first reason.

this reason is being following me since last year.

i am superb extremely for god sake i am worry of my hair.

my hair kept fall i can see the flesh of my head skin.

oh my holly cow.

i went to guardian.

i bought myself a hair treatment for growing hair.

i never thought that i really need to use it so early.

anyway, it is not cheap though.

i also did consume vitamins for my hair every morning since last month.

hope will have positive effect by next month or next next month.

*cross finger*

second reason is the exam is around the corner.

yet i am still so procrastinate.

i am lazy to start my revision.

oh god, really please help me.

i need YOUR mighty guidelines.

i know i never pray for YOU.

please help me please please.

kelly clarkson if i can't have you

right now i am bombing myself with kelly clarkson's song

so in love with this song

IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU

nice song...

Hearts break too fast
When the sentimental
Won't stay, won't last
When it's love at first sight
So why are my convictions
Blinded by your spotlight
Can't breathe, can't sleep
Need some medication
I'll kiss goodbye to my reservations
I know there's other fish out in the sea
Not for me
I want you

If I can't have you
Then I don't want anyone
I don't want anyone
If I can't have you
Then all the damage has been done
Baby
We can break these rules
If you wanna have some fun
If you wanna have some fun
Think of all the love that you would lose (lose)
If I can't have you (If I can't have you)
If I can't have you (If I can't have you)

Hot beat, cold sweat
Thoughts slippin' under
Can't fight, no threat
Cause there's just no use
One look no hesitation
I'm slippin' into you
Forgive these eyes
These lips you're tasting
No time to waste on an invitation
My shame, my self control
Has suffered enough
And everybody wants to be loved

If I can't have you
Then I don't want anyone
I don't want anyone
If I can't have you
Then all the damage has been done
Baby
We can break these rules
If you wanna have some fun
If you wanna have some fun
Think of all the love that you would lose
If I can't have you (If I can't have you)
If I can't have you (If I can't have you)

I haven't seen the best that love has had to offer
They say perfection's always right around the corner
Could be true
But if I can't have you

If I can't have you
Then I don't want anyone
I don't want anyone
If I can't have you
Then all the damage has been done
Baby
We can break these rules
If you wanna have some fun
If you wanna have some fun
Think of all the love that you would lose
If I can't have you (If I can't have you)
If I can't have you (If I can't have you)
If i cant have you (if I cant have you)

Think of all the love that you would lose (lose)
If I can't have you

XD 

exam

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EXAM coming soon

die lo...

i haven't start do my revision

why the time table for this semester all cramp into 4 days to end the whole exam?

die die die die die

friday (23/4) - psy 106 Quantitative Method

saturday (24/4) - mch 101 Mass Communication & psy 220 Career Guidance

monday (26/4) - psy 216 Exceptional Children - Development Disorder

why all come together?

die lo...

need to start kick my ass to make my ass to read

or else i really fark in the exam... LOL

 jia you

oooohhhh~

finally, i went back to my counselling session after being absent for bout 1 months.

hey, it is not my fault. K?

LOL

i called her the last time to postpone my session.

and the person who in charged said he will pass the message to my counsellor since she was had another session with other client at that time.

so it is not my fault.

clocks tick when i reached to CPCS today.

and my counsellor sat there and looked like she waited to me (i know she not coz she was eating something, let me zi lian a bit, k?)

when reached into the room, counsellor told me that she gonna end my session with her.

i felt ahhhh, ouuuhhhhh.

LOL

at times, i always don't want to go to session.

but, today i felt i will gonna miss it.

since i been with the sessions more than 4 months.

LOL

times really passed by quickly.

counsellor said i can stand alone to make all the decision.

i think she is right.

i can't depend on her forever.

i sure i can make it.

hmmm

*finger cross*

FARK OFF stupid idiot women!

mood?

first i wanna say FUCK OFF lady.

sorry being rude but it is my right to eat in the lrt.

i am not eating something like durian or nasi lemak.

i just ate the bread.

for god sake.

it is none of your business.

you pointed to me the symbol of do not eat in train.

how bout you?

stupid idiot farking lady.

you used the elevator while it stated there so big that it is meant for disabled people.

which part of your body is disabled?

except being fat and having a big ass.

arghhh~ damn angry at that stupid idiot farking lady.

FUCK OFF.

seriously.

sushi king

finally!

i ate you.

muahahaha (evil laugh).

sorry being so evil. LOL

so happy.

it is the time again.

sushi king have their members' day.

so nice to eat with you.

i am surprise that you will come and ask me go along to eat.

i told you last night that i wanna eat and today you asked me to eat.

thanks. ^^

my dear, don't play with me like that. please?

what the hell, where i put it.

just now it was there.

few hours later, it was gone.

where the hell it went to.

please come out.

i beg u.

don't play hide and seek.

my dear crystal bracelet.

T_T

i will really cry.

i need u for my upcoming exam.

don't leave daddy alone to go for war.

pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it is very important gift from other people.

T_T

fun to read

think bout it, i do have a lot of negative things.

think bout it, i am such a stupid person.

think bout it, i am nothing but troublesome.

think bout it, i am always make others to suffer.

think bout it, i always try to be strong to what i think but i can't at the end of it.

think bout it, i am nothing.

think bout it, why do i bother bout myself.

why do i need to pretend myself with a smile when i am really sad?

why do i really wanna be actor in front of the crowds.

who can i show real self to?

who can understand me?

i found you.

you.

think bout it, you are the person who i really search for.

think bout it, you are the person that i really need of.

think bout it, i don't really care bout others when i am with you.

think bout it, i really just want you.

think bout it, i don't want to think bout other things when i am with you.

think bout it, i can be myself even though not 100% but at least 80% of real self.

think bout it, i am me when i am with you.

=)

really can't help myself into falling in love to buy books.

lately being addicted to books.

not textbook by the way. (yeah??) trying to copy miss winnee. LOL

i am doom if she know that.

anyway, bought myself 2 books today.

first book is written by cecelia ahern : p.s. i love you and the second book is written by trudi canavan : prietess of the white.

as i started myself to read p.s. i love you, the very first chapter already had the impact on me so deep.

the grief of losing love one is hardly can bear by anyone.

to me, this book make me to think if one day, if i am gone with the wind and bury into the solid ground, does anyone will be grieving for me?

will there anyone to cry for me?

will there anyone to miss me?

will there anyone to think of me?

well, i am hoping there will.

love~

to me, you are everything.

without you is like trying to breath without air, to live life without food and water, to have fun without knowing what is fun.

I LOVE YOU

i don't want to leave you.

i am afraid you will leave me too.

is not that i am not trust you, is me.

i don't have trust to myself.

in my mind, you are the only thing that i keep thinking through the day and night.

i really treasure you.

i done a lot things that bad.

i know.

i really know.

i am regretting that i was hurting you last time.

please give me another chance.

i know it is not easy to trust me.

i really love you.

i just want you to be with me forever.

though i know i am difficult to be with.

i know i am such a troublesome person.

thanks for treating me so good.

i really hope it will be forever.

i don't want to lose you.

i just wanna hug you forever.

messy life

feel so tired.

i am not sure why i am so tired.

all i know i am tired with surrounding.

just feel like i wanna take a big breathe and exhale it out.

but i know it is not that simple.

why?

why am i feel like that?

can i just stop everything a while?

i could though.

i told myself i can.

but something pulling me not to.

i don't wanna stop myself.

as i know everything happened can make me better man.

i feel like i wanna go for travel.

my friend told me she went for taiwan for backpacking.

rn5000 per person for two weeks.

at that moment, my heart are attracted to it.

i felt like i wanna go.

don't wanna think bout anything.

but back to reality, i don't have the cash.

i wanna go somewhere beach.

i wanna let it everything out.

sigh~

ZzZ

really don't like the feeling of being alone.

but tonight might have to tolerate it again.

will facing with four walls.

only me and the walls in the house.

suddenly thought of a song name unwell.

it goes with "all day staring the ceiling,making friends with my shadows on my wall".

crazy jor me... LOL

don't want to think.

head for lunch.

very hungry.

did not eat for dinner, breakfast.

LOLx

p/s 3.33pm now

dreams are so nice to dream about.

so nice, the feeling is like being in cloud nine.

but when you woke up, you will back to the reality.

the cruelness, heartless, evil world that want to make your heart to bleed.

it is not whether you wanted it, but it is the world who want it.

you do not have the power to choose nor to hide.

all you can do is just accept it.

you asked to be abandon when you had the courage to do so, but the world seems like wanna play with you.

trying to hold on with you.

by asking them to abandon you, you needed a quite courage to do so.

coz deep down in your heart, you don't want they to abandon you.

but you know that it has to be like that.

coz the world really can't let you to have it.

what is that mean to you?

pain?

hurt?

care?

stupid?

foolish?

naive?

or grateful?

you never really will know what their intention.

or do you know?

just that you do not wanted to accept the truth?

maybe you should be grateful because they gave you the moments that you will not able to search in the rest your life.

but should you?

is that really so?

maybe.

no one can answer that.

you can't, me can't, and others certainly can't too.

think bout the other person's perception.

maybe you can find another relieve and you might not take it as hard as that.

but i guess we can't.

coz the we are too in pain.

our pain blind us.

sorry to say that but it is true.

what we can do bout it?

pretend to be nothing happen?

can we?

things happened and when they happened, you can't really take it as nothing happened.

coz there is a needle in your heart.

you wished to have someone now to hug you?

but there is no one will be there.

hurt?

get used too it.

life is like that.

there is a theory said that we born to be alone, we lived alone, and we die as lone wolf.

can we accept that fact?

i can't.

honestly, i can't.

i wish to have you now.

miss you.

simple thought

feeling of being abandon?

feeling of being alone?

some people told me that being alone is good.

but to me, is it that really great?

nope!

fun to read if u wanna know me better

Dear Kenny Ng, below are your Personality Tests result:

Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Your view on yourself: 
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are down-to-earth
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :People like you because you are so straightforward
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both si
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking: 
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are a true romantic
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :When you are in love
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You will do anything
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Everything to keep your love true
Your readiness to commit to a relationship: 
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that pe
The seriousness of your love: 
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :So you will find yourself with plenty of dates
Your views on education: 
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Education is very important in life
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You want to study hard
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Learn as much as you can
The right job for you: 
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You're a practical person
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Will choose a secure job with a steady income
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Knowing what you like to do is important
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Find a regular job doing just that
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You'll be set for life
How do you view success: 
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Nothing will stop you from trying
What are you most afraid of: 
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are afraid of things that you cannot control
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel

 

 

this test was done when i was kinda boring but got to go to mummy house.

but the truth is that the result are so right.

especially the love part...

kakaka

p/s: post for fun only... XD

Leona Lewis - Happy

Leona Lewis - Happy

someone once told me
that you have to choose
what you win or lose
you cant have everything
dont you take chances
you might feel the pain
dont you love in vain
cause love wont set you free
i could stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by
so unhappy but safe as could be

so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about other pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy, yea
just wanna be happy, yea
holding on tightly
just cant let it go
just tryna play my roll
slowly diasappear, oooh
well all these tears
they feel like theyre the same
just different faces, different names
get me outta here
well i can stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by
pass me by

so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about other pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy
just wanna be happy
oooh
so any turns that i cant see
ill count a stranger on this road
but don’t say victim
dont say anythng

so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about all the pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy
just wanna be happy