i really miss you
but i can feel you don't even miss me
i just wanna to hug you
u said we think differently
what you want and what i want is different
should i just let it go?
i really miss you
the harder i try, the distance we become
i really just wanna see you
but maybe it is time for us to say goodbye
i really don't want but i just feel that we are not meant to be together anymore
sorry for everything
i shouldn't
it really hurts me
my heart really feels pain
pain till at one point i don't feel anything else
my body just gone numb

thanks
goodbye
take care
all the best
don't worry

i am nothing but a burden

i don't want be a burden to you anymore

i don't want to hold you just because of my study

if you wanna break

just break

i am ok

i don't want to think about it anymore

i know i love you a lot

and i know i care bout you a lot

and i know this is killing you

if you wanna break but you're afraid to harm me

tell me after this saturday

don't worry

i will be fine

i am afraid i can't stop myself being thinking

thinking of letting go this relationship

i want you to love me, to care me, to be with me

but all i get is waiting

everyday

i am hoping to have a surprise from you

everyday

i wish you can give me a little bit of time to spend with me

i know you are busy

but i really want to see you

yea i remember, you had once said, you prefer to be with friends

haih

i just miss you

i really thinking of letting go this relationship

someone advised me before,

i should cut it and get the pain now rather than drag the whole things into a mess

haih

haih

haih

haih

haih

haih

haih

T^T

do you know why i think negative

lately, you acted strangely
you don't let me know anything bout you
you don't let me touch your iphone
you don't let me see your facebook
no longer have the luxury of hugging you
and you really don't mind not seeing me anymore

am i really that sticky?
if you feel i am not good
you can just let me know
we can break

i ask you yesterday that question
and you said because i kept think negatively
i push you away

i guess everything is because of me
i guess i am not a good lover

i try my best to love you
to be with you
but i think
what i do is a mistake

i did ask myself
when i court you at that time
is it my fault?
is it my fault to fall in love with you

i really want someone to love me
to be with me


i guess is me
the problem is with me

everyone doesn't like me
is ok
even my own family doesn't love me
is ok
i told myself i don't mind
as long i still have you
but i guess i giving you too much pressure

i told myself is ok that if we break up
but i guess i am not ok at all

i scare my you leave me just like
i know you told me to let go the past
but it is not easy
for me
to see someone leaves because of another person
it hurts

but i rather you tell me you got someone else than cheating me behind
this is what i feel

i afraid of myself
i don't know what am i trying to do
i keep on thinking negatively
i know i push you away
i don't blame you
i just blame myself

i cried
i cried for an hour
i keep on thinking of the memories we has
i just too miss you
i scare you will leave me

i made up my mind
i decide to do something bout it
for you and me
hopefully i won't regret it

this movie makes me think back my secondary school life

a lot things that happened in that time

happy moments

crazy moments

sad moments

i treasure all those moments

in this movie

it portrays 遗憾 

i don't want my life to have regret

i want to love all people around me

in this movie

the actress did said something like this:

love is the best when we are still not together but we are in love with each other, once, we are coupled, we no longer feel the same enthusiasm to be with each other.

if possible
i want to write again our story in a different way
but i guess
we can't really change what we had done
i guess human really live with regrets
i know this would be one of my greatest regret
but i still need to do so

been thinking lately

what i should do and shouldn't do

what i think is good for me and what is not

i know it is not easy

i know i need a lot of courage to do so

but everything can be sort out eventually

i just got to make the first step

from friend to lover to enemy
from shy to happy to sad and suffer
the breakup part is the most painful
but once the sadness is gone
we will be better
how long for us to take to heal?
that's depend on how much do you love him/her

don't hate him/her for leaving you

treasure him/her

just because he/she leaves you

doesn't mean all the memories you had with him/her are fake

good or bad

he/she is part of your life

treasure the memories you had with him/her

maybe from there

you can find a closure for yourself

and in the future

you can love someone better and treasure that person.

it is funny to see certain people get intimidate by me
they try to boycott me
laugh die me
i just wanna say
do whatever it makes u happy
i am ok with it
i don't mind any more
because i am sure someone will stand on my side

kenny you can do it

don't think negative

be happy

and everything will be fine

never meet before such a complainer
seriously she is a bitch
before you know how to complain about others
try to reflect on yourself
maybe you will see yourself have more things to complain about
seriously you are bitch

if i die
who knows
who cares
if i don't even appear
you all might find it better
you all would be much happier without me bugging into your life

hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself hate myself

seeing the pictures we had
it makes me wanna cry
i miss the old days we had
i am so stupid
why i destroy it

我真的爱你
想你
不想放弃
T……T

if i did not say
if i did not request
maybe we be together forever
why i must open my mouth
why i can't beat the feeling of missing you
why i can't wait till next time to see you
why i just can't trust you
i really love you
but why i always do things that hurt you
if i good enough
we can be together forever
but why
why do i always do the same mistake
why i don't learn from the first time
why
i hate myself
i miss you
i miss the memories we had
i can't really let go
i don't want to lose it

i don't want to break
i miss you
i read what you wrote in msn profile message
it hurts that i done so many bad things
i cry
i want to stop cry but it hurts a lot
i hate myself

never know it can be such as pain

hurt my finger

but the pain wasn't pain at all compares to the pain in my heart

but i don't blame you

coz it is me

i know you told me that is not my fault or your fault

it just the matter of our attitude

but i want to blame myself

i really hate myself

i hate myself

i don't wish to see myself

the last time you will call me that name again

can't listen it anymore

but i won't blame you

coz is me

i hate the way i think

the way i react

the way i want

myself

i hate every thing about me

i just hate

i miss you

bb

i hate myself

wish myself just die

don't exist

should i?

or shouldn't i?

being alone

i guess i just have to bear with it

i being alone since last time

why now can't?

maybe i love you too much?

i shouldn't lock u like a bird being locked in a cage

if i love you

i should let you go

haih

i am sorry for things that i did

i know apologising couldn't change the reality of the mistakes that i did

i know i always do the talking

but didn't do the action

you told me that we are not suitable to be together

not because of whoever have the problem

instead

it is because we just not meant to be together

i don't know

sad

i should not cry

i must not cry

i should not let you suffer the pain

if i love you

i should just let you be happy

few days later

we will have our anniversary

but deep down

we know we can't go on forever

we just got to let go

i know you're tired

i know i need to be stronger

people said:

"trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew"

it is true

forgetting you is something i can't do it and i won't do it

to me

you are one of the best things in my life

never know that i been loved by someone so much

never know that having you makes me learn so much about life

i don't know why i kept crying whenever i thought bout it

i know you and i did our best but we just can't

yes

i know we just have to move on

i can't always rely on you

and i shouldn't be a burden to you

i need to let go

for you or for me

this is the best

i know i have to let go

i know i need to be a little stronger

take care and thanks for all the memories

don't worry about me

i will be a little stronger

this year

so many things (super duper bad) happened to me

laptop, health, relationship

haih

kill me please

people said:

love does not necessary to own it

i think i shouldn't own you

i just got to let you go

i shouldn't keep you with me

being with me

you becoming tire, lifeless, upset, moneyless, and annoying

not only that

you always get yourself into troubles

i guess 1 millions of sorry also couldn't make it right

if i love you

i should let you go

because letting you go can make you happy

but i know you scare that i will devastate

don't worry about me

i can survive

20 years of being alone

it taught me to be alone

though the beginning of without you will be a little hard

don't worry about me

just promise me

you need to take care yourself

drink more water

eat full and on time

when driving remember not to empty your mind

please take vitamin c too as you always get sick

the reason i cry is because i love you

i don't want to let you go

but this time i won't stop you

i want you to be happy

don't worry bout me

is you i am worry bout

always stomach pain

always get fever

always get flu

i am worry bout you

you don't worry me

just remember you must drink more water and take care of yourself

this time i give the decision for you to make

i won't beg nor stopping you

i just have to learn to accept

thankiew for all the memories you had gave me

thankiew for loving me and take care of me

thankiew for never abandon me

thankiew for never wanting to change me

thankiew for trust me

thankiew for changing yourself to suit me more

thankiew for tolerate my childishness

thankiew for being here whenever i needed you

thankiew for every moment that you spent with me

all these i will treasure it till i die

i know whatever happen, it is all my fault

from the beginning

i kept doing the same mistake

i never learn to be grateful nor a good lover

don't worry bout me

i am strong

don't worry bout me

whatever decision you are making

just be congruent to your heart

and don't have to worry bout me

i can accept it

annoying

i am annoying

i am pain in the ass

what ever you decide

i will respect and accept

i am a scumbag 

i am sorry

sorry for not try harder

i will accept the decision you will make

i won't blame you

i only will blame myself

i know you are right bout all the things that going around

i know you are right bout the reason we get into fighting

i know what type of person i am

greedy, dissatisfy, complainer, stupid,

all these and more which always bring us into fight

i know what type of person you are

and i know you had changed to another person to suit me

i should be grateful and appreciate it

yet i am a fool

what i did is beyond stupidity

i just complain and complain

i never really been a good lover

i am not deserve to be in a relationship

now

i am getting worst

i got so many bad attitude and also becoming ugly

i know there are more reasons to kick me away from your life

yet you did not

i want you

i want to rely on you sometimes

i am tired being fighting alone in this big world

i can't find anyone to talk with

you asked me to go out with my friends

i did

i did what you asked me to do

it just that my friends do not want to go out with me

and i wanted to find someone to talk to but none will listen to me

here i am, complaining again

should i let you go?

i just smurfs you a lot

but i can't be selfish

you are tired

should i just let you go?

i think i am terrible lover

sorry

i think i should think bout it seriously

thankiew for smurfing me too

i truly thanks you for smurfing me for all these while

now i know i can't find someone better than you

but it is not your fault

is me

i just want to be selfish

but i know i can't

smurfs you a lot

with my whole heart

but smurfs can't make it right

i am confused now

i just want you

but i can't be selfish

what can i do?

sorrrrrrrry

i feel stress but i don't have anyone to turn too

i feel all the weights are on my shoulder

i almost fall

i don't know how long can i still stand

i really wanted this friday to come yet this friday will be my doomed day

i am scare

but i got no one to turn too

i just want someone to help me

i felt everyone are thinking that i am superman

can do my own

i want someone to care too

i am tired

physically and emotionally

:(

........................................

i realised i am not hating iphone

it just that i scare the application that u can use

i'm forever keeping my angel close.

are u the one who really loves me?

are u the one who really be there when i really need u?

would u be the one who shares my happiness, sadness?

would u be the one who is going to wipe away all my tears when i cry?

would u be the one who going to laugh with me till i old?

would u hold my hand till i die?

would u care about me when i needed someone to care?

i would.

i would do everything for u.

if u love me, i will love u with all my life.

i don't care bout others

i just care bout u.

2.28

am i good?

i don't know what i did is good or bad

i don't know whether the way i treat u is good or bad

i don't know whether do i kill u with my love

i don't know should i just continue with this love or not

i don't know

i love u

but all i can see is i am creating all the problems that lead to both of us suffering.

is it this what i want for us?

do i want u to be sad?

do i really love u or does my love cause u hurt?

i am confuse now

i am not clever

i am the most stupid person

sorry that i am not clever person

i know u like clever person

sorry

1.31am

my love causes pain

 break up?

final option?

lately being thinking a lot

why would keep you together if you are not loving me any more

you are not happy and i am not happy

i always thought love you to the fullest will ensure us to have happiness

you said you still love me

and i know

i can feel it

but i sometimes will think negatively

actually

is not your fault

i mean you are suitable to be in relationship

is me

you know

the things i want

the things i keep demand

is me

is me not suitable to be in relationship

you are right

loving someone shouldn't change him/her

love the way he/she is

but i am keep changing you

maybe i need to ask myself

do i really love you

or do i just wanna change you to become the person i wanted

at this moment

i ask myself

if you wanted to break up, can i accept?

and i told myself to accept it

all i know i want you to be happy

i don't want hurt you again

because of me

you had been sad for so many times

and i am feel sad too

i am angry with myself

if really break up

definitely i will sad

but we still need to face it

....

6.01am

i ask myself today

what is love?

is love means to be with you or it means to let you go?

or just pretend not to know?

love?

it is weird

it makes us to happy yet sad

love also makes us greedy

the memories

bittersweet 

there are part of you and i

they are our memories

time flies

and we know each others well

the habits, the behaviours, the likes, the dislikes, the mood

why need to search for another one since we already started to know each other?

what causes us to be like that?

is it the fights?

or is it we are not meant to be together in the first place?

love is really weird

it can make us can't sleep at night just to think about the other half

it can make us to be moody

yet

love can make us smile when we are together with each other

i am still confused

in the end

what is love?

it seems complicated

maybe i am still immature

can't understand it

or maybe i am not ready for love yet

like this lo ----> unhappy lo

i shouldn't be unhappy

but i am

i saw people's post

they went out with their lover

and i?

i am sitting in front of my laptop

looking at the facebook

reading and looking at their photos

making me jealous

:(

i wanna trust you

i don't know why i will keep checking on you

am i crazy?

i think i am

i know our relationship is not the same any more

i can sense it

it is totally different

i can feel that you treat me is no longer the same as used to be

i can't say it is your fault

coz i know whatever happened

all is because of me

i am stupid

i am not good

i am not suitable for everyone

i feel like if the world without me will be better

coz i am nothing good but the worst of the human being

i am just ignorance

i always think of the bad (s) instead of the good (s)

11.49

can u just break up because u wanna break up?

to me i can't

because the love is still there

people who know me

they thought i am easy going

if want to break up, i just break up

but in fact,

i can't

i will try to hold on to it

coz the love is there

and i don't want to lost everything that i being working on it

the moment the break up comes

all the memories, good and bad

sweet and sour

all come into my mind

at that point

surely break up it will be tough thing to do

1.24am

am i crazy?

am i stupid?

or am i just purely naive?

i just want a simple love

simple and sweet

i don't care bout the money nor material things

i am not those people who want things

all i want is a simple love

if you love me

please don't play my heart

my heart fragile

it is not strong like it used to be

the reason

because it completely trusts you

completely letting himself to love you

if you love someone else

be clean about it

i don't mind to be friend again if we really can't be lover

but please don't play with my heart

i rather to know the truth instead being lied

i hate myself more than anyone at this moment

i hate myself

i just wanna be in my room and let myself lock inside

i hate seeing myself

i hate myself to think this and that

all these are bad

but why i keep on thinking bout it?

i feel like i am going to lose myself

i just want u care

i just want to see u more often

maybe i am not suitable to be in love

maybe i am not suitable to be with u

maybe i just better go away from this world.

sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead

you are you

i can't find someone like you

you have your special place in my heart

i could not just simply replace you

i can't forget you too

coz what you had gave to me

love, care, attention, happiness, sadness, jealousy,

all these will be in my memories

i can't let go of you

i love you more than ever

a quick thought

all my friends are going to oversea

some go for study

some go for vacation

i am happy for them that they can go

i hope they are safe when they are in oversea

but in my heart

i wonder when i will able to go oversea?

i never being to oversea

even in the nearest place

Singapore or Thailand

i wanted to go

><

angry

i know i shouldn't saying this but i really wanted to say

i know i shouldn't think this way but i can't stop myself

my value: i should accept people, not selfish, not mean, no aggression, shouldn't talk bad about someone

but i am seriously cannot deny what i am feeling

if i don't really say it out

i will go crazy

i hate that person

i don't like that person

that person's existence is arghhhhh

i really hate that person

FUCK

(sorry to be vulgar, i just couldn't control myself)

sorry

first time

u wrote a long sms to me

first time

u used a very high pitch tone

i guess

i cross the border

i am sorry

i know i am idiot

i know i always hurt u

i know i am bad

sorry

T^T

i just wanted u to love me

love me by telling me

love me by caring me

i know i am bad bad bad

i don't let u go out

if u wanted to go out, u have to ask permission

i am sorry that u been locked up in a cage

i am confuse with myself

i want u to go out but i am jealous especially when someone betters than me talk to u

am i not confident with myself, u, or our love?

am i not trusting u?

am i not ur ideal couple?

i am afraid of losing u

the past really affect me

i am scare that u will be taken by someone else

u told me that if one day, we break up, it is not because of someone else, it is because of me

why?

why i keep think negatively??????????

i really hate that application

sorry

i know i shouldn't block u

i just hate it

i hate the feeling of being insecure

u are good

too good till sometimes, i questioned myself that are u really meant for me or am i just dreaming?

many people out there are better than me

why would u want this lousy guy?

i always think that

i scare

i don't know

i just scare

i love u called me

i love the way i hug u

i love the smell of u

i love the kiss

i love u scold me *pai chi*

i love u 

19/4/2011

at this hour

i should get some sleep

i need to wake up at 8am later today

but i can't sleep

my heart is missing you

my brain is full of your images

i am looking at the pictures we took

all the perfect pictures

all the sweet memories

i know you're sleeping soundly

and i am happy that you are sleep well

i can't really wait to see you again

i miss you

and i am trying my very best not to let my negative thinking to influence me

i wanted to achieve this time

i don't want just talk

i want my action to be acted

you always treat me good no matter how bad i did

this time

i will

i will make it different

18/4/2011

why i feel that u are not happy?

i know i did wrong

i know promises that i had made had not been fulfil

i know i always hurt u

saying things that shouldn't even think bout it

i know u are good

i know u treat me better than anyone else

but why?

why would i always think bout negative things about us?

bout our relationship?

is it i am not good to be your lover?

i used to think that our love will be forever

i will never leave u

nor u will leave me

(though u did not leave me yet)

but i feel like i might lose u

i am scare with this feeling

i scare of losing u

why?

i did asked myself

and the answer

I LOVE YOU

i realized how much u meant to me

how much we spent our time together

where we had been, what we did, what we had ate, what we had watched

every time before i sleep

i think bout all the memories that we had

even though

we had a lot of arguments

but we have our good and sweet memories too

what i want

i just want u

what u want or where u want to go

u just let me know

i will let u free like a bird

i love you

LJMU

LJMU

i had a discussion with my dad on this

he said he might able to support me to go for LJMU

i really want to have "double degree"

RM30000

T^T

怕安静

i am scare of losing you.

i am scare you don't want me.

i love you.

i know you know that i love you and i know you love me too.

but

all the words that you told me

"future, no one knows", "maybe something might change", "don't think bout the future"

all these make me scare.

i don't want to lose you.

i am used to being with you.

i scare you might not want me anymore.

all my weaknesses.

i scare you might look for a better one.

coz a lot more better people compare to me out there.

i don't think i am good.

and to me you are good.

i do believe that a lot people will like you because you are good.

i save all the SMS that you sent to me.

it always make me feel touch.

especially those SMS you said you love me.

these few weeks, we had fights.

i always hate myself for fighting with you on silly matters.

i know you won't do things that can hurt me.

i do believe you won't.

but sometimes, my brain just keep play the trick on me.

always distorting my thinking.

and i am sorry for that.

apologise is not something new to you nor to me.

i always apologise because all the stupid mistakes i did.

i know i am kinda annoying.

but i never want to stop telling you that i love you.

coz i don't want waste one minute of not telling you how much i love you.

actually i scare that you will leave me one day.

i know that will come.

i am wishing it won't comes.

T^T

2/2/2011 1034

suddenly feel so emo

><

maybe i am too sensitive

i don't know

i was online and i saw u

but suddenly u just offline

maybe i just too sensitive

i keep thinking why would u offline after i online not even for 5 minutes

suddenly all the thoughts came to me

negative thoughts

*think of*

the messages that u received from others

the things u might doing without i am knowing

feel like i am going to crazy

heart said believe

head said the other thing

confuse

if u want to break

u can let me know

i won't stop it anymore

someone said :

to love is to let go

if u wanted to go, i will

though i will drop my tears

yet i promise i won't do anything more than that

haih

being grateful

thanks

i am grateful to have u

jealousy, thinking negatively, emotional ups and downs quicker than eating

these are all my WEAKNESSES

yet, u accept me who am i

u never stop loving me though i make a lot mistakes

i asked

"do u love me?"

u answered it

"if i don't love u, what is the point being together with u?"

i know i am being silly here but i just want to know though i know the answer

i just want to apologise

i know i am looking down on myself

and that causes problem to u

like what happened yesterday

i know i shouldn't jealous but i can't help it

sorry

LOVE YOU

emo again

having a little emo at this moment

maybe because of ...

feeling sad