1.31am

my love causes pain

 break up?

final option?

lately being thinking a lot

why would keep you together if you are not loving me any more

you are not happy and i am not happy

i always thought love you to the fullest will ensure us to have happiness

you said you still love me

and i know

i can feel it

but i sometimes will think negatively

actually

is not your fault

i mean you are suitable to be in relationship

is me

you know

the things i want

the things i keep demand

is me

is me not suitable to be in relationship

you are right

loving someone shouldn't change him/her

love the way he/she is

but i am keep changing you

maybe i need to ask myself

do i really love you

or do i just wanna change you to become the person i wanted

at this moment

i ask myself

if you wanted to break up, can i accept?

and i told myself to accept it

all i know i want you to be happy

i don't want hurt you again

because of me

you had been sad for so many times

and i am feel sad too

i am angry with myself

if really break up

definitely i will sad

but we still need to face it

....

6.01am

i ask myself today

what is love?

is love means to be with you or it means to let you go?

or just pretend not to know?

love?

it is weird

it makes us to happy yet sad

love also makes us greedy

the memories

bittersweet 

there are part of you and i

they are our memories

time flies

and we know each others well

the habits, the behaviours, the likes, the dislikes, the mood

why need to search for another one since we already started to know each other?

what causes us to be like that?

is it the fights?

or is it we are not meant to be together in the first place?

love is really weird

it can make us can't sleep at night just to think about the other half

it can make us to be moody

yet

love can make us smile when we are together with each other

i am still confused

in the end

what is love?

it seems complicated

maybe i am still immature

can't understand it

or maybe i am not ready for love yet

like this lo ----> unhappy lo

i shouldn't be unhappy

but i am

i saw people's post

they went out with their lover

and i?

i am sitting in front of my laptop

looking at the facebook

reading and looking at their photos

making me jealous

:(

i wanna trust you

i don't know why i will keep checking on you

am i crazy?

i think i am

i know our relationship is not the same any more

i can sense it

it is totally different

i can feel that you treat me is no longer the same as used to be

i can't say it is your fault

coz i know whatever happened

all is because of me

i am stupid

i am not good

i am not suitable for everyone

i feel like if the world without me will be better

coz i am nothing good but the worst of the human being

i am just ignorance

i always think of the bad (s) instead of the good (s)

11.49

can u just break up because u wanna break up?

to me i can't

because the love is still there

people who know me

they thought i am easy going

if want to break up, i just break up

but in fact,

i can't

i will try to hold on to it

coz the love is there

and i don't want to lost everything that i being working on it

the moment the break up comes

all the memories, good and bad

sweet and sour

all come into my mind

at that point

surely break up it will be tough thing to do

1.24am

am i crazy?

am i stupid?

or am i just purely naive?

i just want a simple love

simple and sweet

i don't care bout the money nor material things

i am not those people who want things

all i want is a simple love

if you love me

please don't play my heart

my heart fragile

it is not strong like it used to be

the reason

because it completely trusts you

completely letting himself to love you

if you love someone else

be clean about it

i don't mind to be friend again if we really can't be lover

but please don't play with my heart

i rather to know the truth instead being lied

i hate myself more than anyone at this moment

i hate myself

i just wanna be in my room and let myself lock inside

i hate seeing myself

i hate myself to think this and that

all these are bad

but why i keep on thinking bout it?

i feel like i am going to lose myself

i just want u care

i just want to see u more often

maybe i am not suitable to be in love

maybe i am not suitable to be with u

maybe i just better go away from this world.