feeling #1

older chinese generations always said that " force to be together are not happy".

i guess this phrase are damn rite.

there are a lot things we cannot force to be together.

when two person are not similar to each other, no matter how strong is the love is, both of them, still will have a lot of arguments.

there are some part of me said, "let go of it", "don't force yourself", "let yourself to have another try with others".

but, it is not easy.

as feelings are involved.

when u grew urself into the relationship, love, hate, time, happy, sad, angry, satisfied, are the factors to make me to think twice of letting go.

it is not easy as we all said, let go lo...

but, as we think more deeper, we knew that love is there.

yes, there are moments we are very sad, angry, wish to break, but there are moments we felt the happiness, the sweetness, the feeling of being cared by someone.

sometimes, it is not that easy as we said.

but, as i think more deeper, and as my feeling more calm, i felt that i cannot live without YOU.

in somewhere in my heart, i wish that u felt the same too.

i wanted to know what is ur true feeling, what are u thinking, what do u really want.

i always guess what u want.

but, i always wrong.

and i don't want to be wrong as i wanted us to be more closer.

coz if i know more about u, and i know more bout what u like and not, maybe our relationship can be more better.

however, i guess to understand a person is not easy.

coz even to understand myself what i want, i also sometimes confused.

no tittle 1

today, as i came back from klcc, the sky was so dark as it's wanted to cry.

that time, my feeling was also kinda emo.

in my heart, i kept asking god, "are you sympathy me?", "are you crying because you know i wanted to cry?"

as i came down from the bus, the sky was getting darker and the rain as it knew my feeling, getting heavier.

i waited at the bus stop to wait for the rain to subside.

however, the rain was getting heavier.

as i stood at a corner of the bus stop, the rain was drip on my shirt.

so, i move to another side, but the rain like playing with me.

it just can't let me stand at one side.

it kept drip to my shirt.

at that moment, i felt like i am so shit in relationship, now even the rain wanna play on me.

???

what is meaning of being couple?

my definition of couple is two person belong together, tied together, both of them are similar to each other.

but how we want to be similar together if we could not spend time together?

how do we expect to understand each other?

though time can help us to understand each other as if we know each other longer, but if we do not do any action to make close to each other, how do we expect to be together and understand each other?

less spend time together, how do a relationship to be sustain? then, is there any love in the relationship?

isn't love suppose to be sweet?

then why there are so many fights and arguments?

is it that hard to be a couple?

i understand that each of us have different priority, but i always thought that if there is love, we can tied all things into one knot.

but why we have fights and arguments?

does time can really affect a couple which they are loving each other, but it just that time are not suitable?

i never thought that to understand a person is that difficult.

no title

last week, exam period. i spent a lot  of my times revision with tracy and we chatted a lot things. mostly, we chatted on relationship. from the conversation, i learned a lot things. it's seem to me that, we never knew what the other person's feeling and thoughts.

i learned a lot things through the conversation. i guess the communication can make the whole relationship to be different. friends, lover, family? everyday i realised that i don't understand what the other people wants. is it me don't understand u all, or u all don't understand me?

i wanted to do things with them, but they always forgotten, and they do with others people. sometimes, i am unhappy but i don't want to tell. there are reason for me to not tell.  firstly, it is not easy for me to tell. secondly, u said it is ok to let me know, but when after i tell u, u will said a lot of things like " u think too much ", or maybe i hurt ur feeling and the relationship can't be save. sometimes, it is not that i don't want to tell, it just that i think of the relationship if i tell. coz we all are human too. when someone critics us, we will tend to remember the critics and the relationship will have some gap. though, u will keep saying there is nothing between us, but i am not blind. i can see there are a gap between us.

i felt that i always tried to comfort others' emotions. but what bout mine? there are a lot things that i wanted to tell, but it is not easy. i wanted to tell but i don't want to hurt other's feeling. as word can hurt other people like a thousand needles poke into our heart.

that day, i told tracy to clear cut with everything. and i told myself that i have to clear cut too. talking is easy

 but doing is not that easy. i wanted to clear cut with everything. clear cut is to free myself. though i know clear cut can make me happier (which i think so), i guess somewhere in my heart i don't want to have clear cut. i am still clinging to this relationship.

i always thought that love can bring two together, but it seem that, there are a lot factors controlling a couple to be together. i always thought that not similar couple will be together easily and happily. but i guess was wrong. but i also found out that even similar couple also tend to difficult to be together.

(similar = characteristics, favourites, maturity, thoughts)

i really don't like people break promise at me. coz i think if u really promise to me, then do it. if not then don't promise. i asked to and u said yes, it is promise but u did not do it. what am i? maybe i am stupid for putting high expectation into any form of relationship. maybe i better with alone.