last week, exam period. i spent a lot of my times revision with tracy and we chatted a lot things. mostly, we chatted on relationship. from the conversation, i learned a lot things. it's seem to me that, we never knew what the other person's feeling and thoughts.
i learned a lot things through the conversation. i guess the communication can make the whole relationship to be different. friends, lover, family? everyday i realised that i don't understand what the other people wants. is it me don't understand u all, or u all don't understand me?
i wanted to do things with them, but they always forgotten, and they do with others people. sometimes, i am unhappy but i don't want to tell. there are reason for me to not tell. firstly, it is not easy for me to tell. secondly, u said it is ok to let me know, but when after i tell u, u will said a lot of things like " u think too much ", or maybe i hurt ur feeling and the relationship can't be save. sometimes, it is not that i don't want to tell, it just that i think of the relationship if i tell. coz we all are human too. when someone critics us, we will tend to remember the critics and the relationship will have some gap. though, u will keep saying there is nothing between us, but i am not blind. i can see there are a gap between us.
i felt that i always tried to comfort others' emotions. but what bout mine? there are a lot things that i wanted to tell, but it is not easy. i wanted to tell but i don't want to hurt other's feeling. as word can hurt other people like a thousand needles poke into our heart.
that day, i told tracy to clear cut with everything. and i told myself that i have to clear cut too. talking is easy
but doing is not that easy. i wanted to clear cut with everything. clear cut is to free myself. though i know clear cut can make me happier (which i think so), i guess somewhere in my heart i don't want to have clear cut. i am still clinging to this relationship.
i always thought that love can bring two together, but it seem that, there are a lot factors controlling a couple to be together. i always thought that not similar couple will be together easily and happily. but i guess was wrong. but i also found out that even similar couple also tend to difficult to be together.
(similar = characteristics, favourites, maturity, thoughts)
i really don't like people break promise at me. coz i think if u really promise to me, then do it. if not then don't promise. i asked to and u said yes, it is promise but u did not do it. what am i? maybe i am stupid for putting high expectation into any form of relationship. maybe i better with alone.
