怕安静

i am scare of losing you.

i am scare you don't want me.

i love you.

i know you know that i love you and i know you love me too.

but

all the words that you told me

"future, no one knows", "maybe something might change", "don't think bout the future"

all these make me scare.

i don't want to lose you.

i am used to being with you.

i scare you might not want me anymore.

all my weaknesses.

i scare you might look for a better one.

coz a lot more better people compare to me out there.

i don't think i am good.

and to me you are good.

i do believe that a lot people will like you because you are good.

i save all the SMS that you sent to me.

it always make me feel touch.

especially those SMS you said you love me.

these few weeks, we had fights.

i always hate myself for fighting with you on silly matters.

i know you won't do things that can hurt me.

i do believe you won't.

but sometimes, my brain just keep play the trick on me.

always distorting my thinking.

and i am sorry for that.

apologise is not something new to you nor to me.

i always apologise because all the stupid mistakes i did.

i know i am kinda annoying.

but i never want to stop telling you that i love you.

coz i don't want waste one minute of not telling you how much i love you.

actually i scare that you will leave me one day.

i know that will come.

i am wishing it won't comes.

T^T

2/2/2011 1034

suddenly feel so emo

><

maybe i am too sensitive

i don't know

i was online and i saw u

but suddenly u just offline

maybe i just too sensitive

i keep thinking why would u offline after i online not even for 5 minutes

suddenly all the thoughts came to me

negative thoughts

*think of*

the messages that u received from others

the things u might doing without i am knowing

feel like i am going to crazy

heart said believe

head said the other thing

confuse

if u want to break

u can let me know

i won't stop it anymore

someone said :

to love is to let go

if u wanted to go, i will

though i will drop my tears

yet i promise i won't do anything more than that

haih

being grateful

thanks

i am grateful to have u

jealousy, thinking negatively, emotional ups and downs quicker than eating

these are all my WEAKNESSES

yet, u accept me who am i

u never stop loving me though i make a lot mistakes

i asked

"do u love me?"

u answered it

"if i don't love u, what is the point being together with u?"

i know i am being silly here but i just want to know though i know the answer

i just want to apologise

i know i am looking down on myself

and that causes problem to u

like what happened yesterday

i know i shouldn't jealous but i can't help it

sorry

LOVE YOU

emo again

having a little emo at this moment

maybe because of ...

feeling sad

i never like this feeling

hate the celebration session

i don't like to be alone

yet u always let me being alone

i want to celebrate with you

but in the end i am alone

i don't want the darkness of the walls consume me

but i guess i had too

abstract

love

what is love?

why love can be so deep to some while some others think it is just merely a feeling?

after the case of the guy jumped off from the building because of breakup

it makes me wonder

love can be so dangerous

but why people still want to go for it?

i saw posts that scolding him or saying him stupid

but

i understand what is the guy felt at that time

when he/she really sad, he/she really couldn't sees any light in front of him/her

i am not trying to say what is right nor what is wrong

psychology taught me a lot things

one of it is to empathize others

 i do think that what he did is stupid

but in his perspective, he just couldn't think right at that moment

sometimes people just do things that unexpectedly

why would he do it?

maybe he really loves the gal, or maybe he really too sad, or maybe other factors

but, we never know the answer coz he is not here to tell us

when people asked me about opinion in this matter

i am not agreeing on what has he done nor not really think that should blame him for his stupidity

when you love someone, you just hoping that you can be with him/her forever

wanting to spend every moments with him/her

wanting to have future with him/her

someone told me that i will do that (suicide) too if i have the same outcome like that guy 

will i?

it is funny to look at my thoughts

i mean answering back the question

long long time ago (i am not that old, just wanna prescribe how long it was only), suicide are stupid and selfish act

then, long time ago (which past these few years), suicide is not something bad

and now i am not thinking bout suicide coz i don't think life should be ended that way

and i promised that i won't do that

maybe a little bit of self hurting

maybe i will just hurt myself by drinking alcohol or might go crazy for months or years

but i guess (i hope) i will stand up from it

in a relationship

i think the most important factor is that communication

don't hold anything to yourself

just talk to him/her

everything can be worked it out =)

i wanted to share something bout myself

however

i never able to share because i always felt that i shouldn't share coz it is not appropriate to share out

and also it is being a long long time since i didn't tell anyone bout things, it is not easy for me to start

i wanted to say that i am those type of persons that depend on others

when i love someone

i depend on that person

i can't take it when promise didn't fulfill, i am easily jealous, i can lock that person in a cage like a bird without its wing, i can be moody

p.s: just share for fun... =)

:x: boy factor :x:

looking at four walls in the house

its make me think a lot

a lot of negative things

sometimes, i could be that cheerful boy

sometimes, i could be very very emo boy

these few days

went back to my secondary school nearby restaurant

i remember

i always spent my times there during my secondary school

my friends and i were always went there for lunch

there is an uncle who always called me boy

today

that uncle called me boy again

haha

it felt so nice and young

ok ok

i admit i am not young anymore

but it's fun to hear that someone called us boy or girl